


Never Again.

by madiv951



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, hale feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2017-12-26 19:25:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/969401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madiv951/pseuds/madiv951
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are quiet around Beacon Hills lately, maybe a little too quiet. The pack is starting to get a little fidgety with the silence. After everything with Deucalion and Jennifer, everyone is waiting for something to explode in our faces. Things are more normal than they have felt in months. Granted, Derek isn’t around anymore, but maybe that’s for the best. Maybe it will be good for me to get away from the brooding werewolf for awhile. I cling to the last memory I have of him. I wish he knew. But I tried to tell him didn’t I? He just wouldn’t listen. As if he ever did…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> un-beta'd. Let me know if you find any mistakes and I will fix them! Thank you for reading! Love you guys!

Things are quiet around Beacon Hills lately, maybe a little too quiet. The pack is starting to get a little fidgety with the silence. After everything with Deucalion and Jennifer, everyone is waiting for something to explode in our faces. Things are more normal than they have felt in months. Granted, Derek isn’t around anymore, but maybe that’s for the best. Maybe it will be good for me to get away from the brooding werewolf for awhile. I cling to the last memory I have of him. I wish he knew. But I tried to tell him didn’t I? He just wouldn’t listen. As if he ever did…

 

            _“Derek… Are you really leaving? After everything, you are just up and going?” As I speak the words, I try to hide the shake in my voice, but I know the werewolf can hear it._

_“Yes, Jess. Cora and I are leaving.” Leave it to Derek to be short with his answers. Even when things are important. He won’t look at me, but I know that his eyes are darker than usual. Mine would be too after my sister almost dying, losing my alpha status, and my girlfriend murdering innocent people._

_“Can you just look at me for a second?” Derek’s eyes snap up, not expecting me to challenge him. “I need… We need you here. The pack needs you here.”_

_“It’s not my pack,” Derek says gruffly. He starts to turn and leave but I catch his shoulder._

_“It can be if you let it. You have done so much for Scott. There is still so much you could teach him. There is still so much you need to teach him. Derek, please… Please stay…” Stay for me. Stay with me. “I want you to stay…”_

_“I can’t stay.”_

_“Goddamn it, Derek. Can you talk in more than three syllable sentences for once? Would it kill you to use your damn words?” My tone turns from pleading to venom. He won’t look at me again, so I grab his chin, forcing his gaze. “Listen to me. This is where you belong. You may think that Cora is the only family you’ve got left, but if you would pick your big head up, you would see how many people love you. Do you realize the way Isaac looks at you? You saved his life. He may not acknowledge that, but you did. Scott owes his life to you. Hell, even Stiles has learned to like you. You have a family here. You have a pack here.” Every excuse I can think of is spilling from my mouth in an effort to get the man I’ve fallen in love with to stay. “I’m here,” I blurt out._

_“Cora is my family and I need to do what is best for her,” Derek says, jaw tightening. I’m making him angry. Good._

_“Don’t pull that alpha shit with me. Have you asked her? Have you asked what she wants? How do you know that leaving the only friends you’ve got behind is best for her?”_

_“Jess, I’ve made up my mind.”_

_“Fine!” I scream. Tears are scratching at my eyes and throat. No, you aren’t crying. Not now. “Leave. Go ahead. But don’t expect me… us… to be here when you get back.” Derek simply nods and I feel like screaming at him and telling him he is an idiot, but that I love him anyway. I hold my tongue._

_“Goodbye, Jess.” Derek slides open my window for what I know is the last time. I let out a strangled noise that makes him look back. Momentarily, his eyes soften. He moves across the room to where I have retreated and carefully wraps his arms around me. I try to shove him away, knowing it will snap the last bit of control I have over the sob trapped in my throat. Derek just holds tight. Tears finally break through the surface and roll down my face. “I have to go.” I blink and he is out my window and gone._

_“I love you, Derek…” I say out the window, hoping that maybe he is still close enough to hear._

            Maybe I dwell on the memory too much. Maybe I look too far into it. Maybe I think things are there that aren’t. But it is all I have. The memory holds the most emotion I’ve ever seen Derek express. And it’s the only time Derek has ever touched me on his own accord. The feeling of his strong arms closing around me sticks to my skin even after months of him not being around.

            Scott says that he can’t smell Derek around town anymore. There are traces of him around his old loft, but those are fading as well. Part of me wishes I had the werewolf sense of smell so I could have at least one more thing to keep him fresh in my memory. Instead, I just run through all of the memories I have of him. Times when I really miss him, I pull back the rug on my bedroom floor to reveal the long claw marks, running my fingers over each one.

 

            _My phone ringing wakes me up. I groan at my alarm clock as it reads 1:47 am. My brain tells me to just go back to sleep, but I know it could be something important._

_“Hello?” My voice is thick with sleep._

_“Jess, we need your help. We were out patrolling and there is a trap that we think is laced with wolfsbane. We need a human to set it off…” Scott sounds pained at asking me to perform such a task. “Please, Jess. We really need your help. Stiles didn’t pick up his phone or else we would have had him do it.” I grunt a “fine” and hang up the phone, getting out of bed. I pull on a baggy sweatshirt and some sweats, knowing that it might get a bit messy dealing with wolfsbane._

_Pulling up in the front of the old Hale house, the pack is standing on the porch. Derek approaches me with a stern look on his face._

_“We followed the scent of wolfsbane and found a trap that a hunter set…”_

_“Wait, you are searching out wolfsbane? Are you really that stupid?” Derek glares at me for interrupting, but since I am not a werewolf, he can’t work his alpha magic on me._

_“We knew it was a trap so we located it in order to safely set it off. That’s why you are here.” I cross my arms and tap my foot impatiently. I hate running their little errands for them._

_“So, I’m just human bait because wolfsbane can’t kill me? But it will affect me. Remember when Lydia accidentally drugged everyone at her birthday party? It makes humans hallucinate and…”_

_“The affects wear off quickly,” Derek snaps, slicing through my words. I just nod, knowing it isn’t a fight I’ll win. He jumps off the porch and motions me to follow. After about a ten minute trek through the forest, he points to a tree. Shrugging, I tell him I can’t see it. Derek rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone. He shines the light on a thin rope tied intricately to the tree. Moving away from the tree, he shows me a small bag covered in leaves._

_“Ok, so I just pull on this rope and it’ll set off?” Derek nods and backs away to what he deems a safe distance. I sigh and pull my sweatshirt over my face. I grab onto the rope and give it a swift tug. Immediately, the air fills with the sparkly purple dust. It stings my eyes and burns my throat. Stumbling and trying to get away from the cloud, I trip over something large and crash to the ground._

_Looking around, bewildered, I realize I tripped over Derek. He is on all fours, coughing and shaking. I guess the safe distance wasn’t as safe as he thought._

_“Derek! We have to get out of here. I need to get you away from all of this,” I shout, though he doesn’t respond. He makes an attempt to get up, but leans heavily against me. Christ, he is heavy. I start to pull him along on the path that I think is the way to my car._

_Getting him to my house is one thing, getting him inside is an entirely different thing. Derek is very weak and I am very glad we’ve got a downstairs bathroom. Leaning him up against the tub, I pull his jacket off and pull at his shirt._

_“Can you lift your arms up? That would make this so much easier…” He slowly lifts his arms over his head and I pull his sweat-drenched shirt that is now a light purple off. I am thankful his system is pumped full of wolfsbane because my heart rate shoots through the roof at the newly shirtless werewolf on my floor. “Okay, pants.” My heart skips again. I help him to sit on the edge of the tub and pull off his shoes and socks. My fingers fumble with the button on his jeans._ I am taking off Derek Hale’s pants… I am taking off Derek Hale’s pants!!! _My brain won’t focus, so I shake my head. Don’t focus on the black boxers that are like the sexiest thing ever. Help him. Help him._

_With his clothes in a heap on the floor, I help him into the tub and turn the shower on. I watch the purple dust turn to a paste and cling to his skin. Grabbing a washcloth, I start to rub away the paste on his face and neck. My fingers shake and my heart feels like it is going to fall out of my chest._

_“Jess… Calm down… I’m okay…” Derek mutters. Shit, he can hear my heart. His breathing seems more in control and his body is no longer shaking. There is still purple sludge stuck in his hair, so I grab the shampoo and squirt a generous amount in my hand. I run my fingers through his hair, drawing a sigh from his mouth. I stifle a smile and work the bubbles through his hair until I know longer see purple. Giving him a final rinse, I leave him with a fluffy towel to dry off with._

_Opening my dad’s closet, I try to find his biggest t-shirt and pair of sweats. Returning to the bathroom with a clean outfit, I lightly knock on the door. Derek swings it open and my calmed heart rate sky rockets once more. He is standing there in only a towel, all wet hair and abs._

_When the door opens again, he isn’t wearing a shirt and the sweats hang dangerously low on his hips. I swallow roughly and stand. I show him to my room and tell him he can use my bed._

_“I’ll just sleep in my parents’ room. They are out of town for a few days.” Derek just nods and crawls under my comforter. I can’t help but think of how adorable he looks._

_“You need to shower as well. Wolfsbane can have adverse affects on humans.” I smile and head to wash the purple from my skin. I realize as I wash away the dust, my head clears almost immediately. After my shower, I sneak back in my room to get some pajamas. “Thanks Jess…” Derek mutters as I enter the room, causing me to squeak._

_“Sorry if I woke you up…”_

_“You didn’t. I was just listening to your heart beat. Keeps me calm.” I nod and leave the room again. Heading back into the bathroom, I scoop up my wolfsbane-covered clothes as well as Derek’s and toss them into the washing machine. As I slam the front shut and change the settings, I hear Derek yell from my room._

_Taking the stairs two steps at a time, I get to my room. Derek is on the floor, wolfed out, eyes blazing red. I back up against the door and try to breathe. Maybe if I am calm, he will calm down…_

_“Derek… What’s wrong? Did something happen?” I try to keep my voice as level as I can. He arches his back and digs his claws into my floor. His eyes slide shut and suddenly human Derek is back._

_“I’m sorry, just the after-shocks of the wolfsbane leaving my system. I’m fine.” Derek sits on the edge of my bed and puts his head in his hands. I move carefully to sit next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. His muscles tense at my touch, but relax after a few moments. My hand moves into his hair._

_“Whenever I would get scared when I was little, my mom would always play with my hair to get me to calm down. Maybe it’ll help you too…” I explain, trying to justify my intimate touches._

_“Mine too.”_

An elbow connecting with my side snaps me out of my memory trance. Lydia is staring at me like she knows exactly what I have been thinking about. I just frown and attempt to pay attention to whatever the teacher is rambling on about. I think we are supposed to be learning about chromosomes.

            “Jessica, in which chromosome is the gene for color blindness located?” The teacher asks me, having noticed my zoning out.

            “The x chromosome.” See I can answer questions even if I’m not paying attention. Take that.

            “Uh… That is correct. Very good,” my teacher says, sounding rather surprised I got the answer right. She goes on to talk about various other genetic disorders and diseases and which chromosomes hold which disease. Williams Syndrome happens in the seventh chromosome, while DiGeorge Syndrome occurs in the twenty second. Again, Lydia elbows me. I turn to glare at her, but she is staring at the door to the classroom, mouth agape.

            None other than Ms. Cora Hale is standing in the doorway with books and a binder in her arms. She clears her throat and our teacher gives her a warm smile.

            “Welcome back, Ms. Hale. Glad to see you are back in town. How is your brother?” I don’t hear what Cora says because my brain latches onto the word brother. Brother. Derek. Back in town. Derek is back in town… Derek is here in Beacon Hills… I glance up at Cora, who looks sufficiently uncomfortable with all of the attention. She finds me and smiles slightly. There is a stool next to me, so I pat it and she comes to sit. Without even thinking, I wrap her in a hug.

            “You’re back,” is all I can think to say. She nods and Lydia wraps her in a bear hug, going on about how much she missed her and how different it has been without them in town. My heart is fluttering, going too slow and then way too fast. Cora asks if I am okay and I realize she can hear every thump my heart makes in my chest. I simply nod and try to pay attention to what I am supposed to be learning.

            At the end of class, I am snagged at both elbows by Lydia and Cora. They tow me down the hall and into a janitor’s closet.

            “What the hell guys? I have class. And yes, I’m really happy that you are back, Cora, but I have to go.” They both snatch my arms back.

            “We are back, but I am trying to tell you why we are back.” I stop trying to get my arms back. Did Derek come back for me? I am tempted to run. Maybe I don’t want to know why the Hales are back in town. “I made him come back. Jess, he has been miserable since we left. He thought that he needed to leave. He thought that it would be good for both of us to leave Beacon Hills since everything bad that has happened to us has happened here.” Her face falls momentarily, obviously remembering one of those happenings.

            “Then why did you come back?” I snap. A look of hurt flashes across Cora’s face. “I’m sorry. You both just kind of left a hole.”

            “I know. That’s why I made Derek come back. We both need our pack. Even though Derek isn’t the alpha anymore, you are still our pack. Still our family. We are stronger together and Derek knows that. That’s the only reason he agreed to come home. It’s safer for us to be with a pack.” My heart sinks a little. Derek didn’t come back for me. He came back for his pack. But I am part of the pack, aren’t I?

            “Well, I am sure that everyone will be thrilled to have you both back,” Lydia pipes. Cora smiles and hugs both of us. Lydia turns on me. “You had better go find Derek right now and tell him, or else I will. You have no idea when he is going to run off again.” Lydia’s arms are crossed and she has her scolding face on. Cora just nods.

            “Wait, Cora… You know?” She just laughs.

“Of course I know. The way you always smelled when you were around him? How could any werewolf not?” My face turns red. Great, that means that Scott and Isaac probably know too.

“Go tell him. Cora knows he is at home. Go.”

“Can’t we give him a little time to adjust to being back before we spring that kind of thing on him?” Lydia just glares. “Alright. Alright. I’ll go find him after school.”

            “No, now. Go. Now.” Lydia shoves me toward the door. “And I’ll know if you don’t go. I’ve got eyes everywhere.”

            “You mean Stiles, Allison, and Scott?” She just nods and shoves me out the door.

 

            Pulling up to the loft, I immediately notice the black camaro parked near the door to the stairs. I fleetingly wonder how he got his loft back, but then I remember he is Derek and always gets what he wants.

            Standing in front of the door, I try to get my heart to beat in a normal pattern. The door slides open and a yelp escapes my throat.

            “How long were you planning on standing out here?” And there he is. Leaning against the doorframe. All muscle and scruff and green eyes. He lifts his eyebrows.

            “Oh, I forgot. Lurking is your thing. Sorry.” I smile and push past him into the loft. It is completely empty save for a couch, a bed in the corner, and a TV. “Still nice and homey, I see.”

            “Same as when we left. Why are you here, Jess?” Derek sounds like it was an inconvenience for me to stop by, but he is the one that opened the door. _I came to tell you that I’m in love with you before you up and leave again. I want you to have come back for me._  

            “Am I not allowed to come say welcome back after you’ve been gone for almost six months?” Wandering over to the kitchen, I hoist myself up onto the counter and sit. Derek glares at me as if to say “get your ass off my counter,” but doesn’t open his mouth. “So, where have you been this whole time? Did you go back to New York?”

            “No, we didn’t go to New York.” Yup, he is still the same Derek, broody expression and all. His forehead is wrinkled as a frown creases his mouth. He stops in front of me, but doesn’t touch me. I take a shaky breath and reach toward him. My hand brushes against the stubble along his jaw, causing my breath to hitch. For a second my hand rests on his cheek. I start to pull my hand away, but he leans his head into my touch. Derek’s eyes flutter shut as I swipe my thumb slowly across his cheek bone.

            “I missed you…” I whisper. His eyes snap open and he takes a step back, taking him out of my reach. _Shit… I should have just been happy with what I had… No. I need to tell him._ “The night you left… Right after you jumped out of my window, I said something and I don’t know if you heard me, but if you didn’t I need to tell you now and I am not really sure how…”

            “I heard you,” Derek mutters, slicing through my words. My heart nearly falls out of my chest.

“You heard what I said… And you still left? You didn’t even acknowledge that you heard. This entire time I have been driving myself insane wondering if you heard me and if you knew. And that’s why I came over here. To tell you what I said that night. But you have known for almost six months. Yet you left me anyway…” My throat feels scratchy and I know I have to get myself under control or the tears are going to start flowing. “You left…”

            “I knew it would be better for you to be away from me. You say that you love me, but you don’t. You only think you do. You only said that because you didn’t want me to leave…”

            “No, I didn’t want you to leave because I loved you. Because I still love you. I’ve gone over you leaving so many times trying to figure out if there was something I didn’t say that would have made you stay. But not even I love you could keep you here, I guess…”

            “Jess, I’m sorry, but we can’t be anything. I have too much baggage and…” Derek starts to ramble off reasons to keep me at a safe distance.

            “You think I don’t? Do you know how much I have gone through in the past year? I found out that werewolves exist. A bunch of people in my town got sacrificed. Three of my best friends were dead for sixteen hours in an effort to save their parents from getting sacrificed as well. I’ve lost two friends. Almost lost countless others. Then finally, things seem like it might be alright for awhile and the guy that I have fallen so in love with just up and leaves town without so much as a reason why. I know you have your reasons for why you are the way you are, but obviously my heart doesn’t care. It loves you anyway.” Derek flinches both times I say the L-word. “Yes, Derek. I am in love with you. I have been for quite some time. I’m surprised you hadn’t figured it out before I said something…”

            “I wasn’t looking for it, so I guess I just didn’t notice. Not to mention, I was a little busy with trying to not get people killed,” Derek sneers. He is just being like this to keep himself as distant as possible. And he said that we couldn’t be anything, not that he didn’t want us to be, right? Yes. Good. “Jess, you’ve got to understand,” Derek mutters. He is looking at his feet.

            “Derek, I do understand. I know everything you have been through. No, I don’t know what it felt like. No, I don’t know what kind of damage it has done to you. But I do know that there is damage. A lot of damage. But I just don’t care… Maybe the damage is the reason I fell for you so hard. I saw all that you had been through, but it didn’t hinder your ability to be a leader and make decisions when things got tough. You were an amazing alpha. And what you did for Cora… That took a lot. Somewhere under that tough, broody exterior there is a guy who has a huge heart and loves more than anyone could ever know.” Derek is looking at me now, but his expression is quizzical. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

            “Your heart beat is so steady…”

            “And?” Now I am just mad. He has been listening to my heart and not my words. Awesome.

            “Your heart was all over the place earlier, but now it is slow and quiet. And your heart always used to jump around me. I just thought you were afraid of me… I should have known. I should have smelled in on you…” Derek is pacing the kitchen now, holding his hand to his forehead. He stops in front of me, closer than he was before. His fingers push at my jaw, forcing my head to tilt. Suddenly, he is sniffing at my neck, his stubble brushing against my skin. I stifle a giggle, but he pulls back and raises an eyebrow.

            “That tickles… And what are you doing?” He moves back to sniffing my neck.

            “I’m reacquainting myself with your scent,” Derek states.

            “Is this a werewolf thing? Because usually it’s a ‘hey, how ya been? Wanna get coffee?’ way of reacquainting yourself with someone. Not snuffing at their neck,” I mutter. Derek lets out a low breath that sends goosebumps down my arms. I shudder and curse my jumpy heart.

            “I can smell it on you now,” Derek says matter-of-factly. A blush creeps up my neck to my cheeks and ears. “You like it when people are near your neck, don’t you?” The blush deepens. “Huh, interesting.”

            “Why is that interesting…?” Now he is just being a creep. Or maybe he is just being Derek. “What?” He is studying my face intently.

            “You look different than when I left. Taller or something. Did you lose weight?”

            “Excuse me?” I cough. “Wait, you have noticed my body and you remember it?” Now a slight blush appears under Derek’s skin. “You totally have!” My heart soars at that. He has noticed me. He has paid enough attention to me to notice that I look different, even after six months apart. A smile splits across my face. “You’ve totally checked me out before. Admit it.”

            “Who wouldn’t? You’re beautiful.” My faces flushes fire engine red and my heart rate goes through the roof. Derek smirks and I know he noticed my heart freak out. “Jess, do you really think that low of yourself?” I just shrug.

            “I’m not getting a self-confidence speech from Derek Hale,” I mutter. “Out of all the people to talk to me about not hating myself, you are not the one to do it. You are like the king of self-loathing…” My words trail off because Derek’s face hardens again and I know the walls are being put back up. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said…” Derek moves toward me and lightly places his hand over my mouth.

            “You talk too much.” I smile against his hand and fight back the urge to lick it. My tongue doesn’t obey my brain and pokes out between my lips anyway. It swipes across his palm. Instantly, I curse my tongue. The contact with his skin ignites a spark somewhere low in my stomach and I want to run my tongue over every inch of him that I can find. “Did you just… did you just lick me?” My eyes grow wide and I just nod. A grin breaks across my face and a giggle escapes me.

            “Well, don’t put your hand over my mouth and that won’t happen. Besides you taste terrible anyway.” _That is a terrible lie and you know it_ I tell myself. “Next time there might be teeth. I’d be careful if I were you,” I tease. Derek raises a challenging eyebrow.

            “That so? Well then.” He takes a slow step toward my place on the counter. He is close enough now that my knees are brushing against his t-shirt. Pausing for a moment, he searches my face. Or maybe he is just concentrating on my erratic heartbeat. “You really need to get that heart under control.” I just glare at him as best as I can because his right hand lands on my hip. “It is getting all kinds of hormones in your system.” A fierce blush moves up my neck. It shoots up to my ears as Derek brings his face to my neck once more. “You smell exactly the same as I remember; though I don’t remember it being this enticing.” I swear my whole face is beet red now.

            “You are such a tease…” I breathe. At this, his lips brush my skin, sending a jolt of electricity through my body. A shudder runs down my spine and I let out a shaky breath. My self-control snaps and I grab his jaw, forcing his lips on mine. It starts slow and careful. Each movement flowing into the next. All love and tenderness. His free hand moves to my hair and runs through it, pulling a moan from my throat. Derek smiles into the kiss and deepens it easily. His tongue flicks across my bottom lip and I grant it entrance without a second of hesitation. His mouth is warm and wet and nothing I ever expected. In the best way possible.

            Another bolt of electricity shoots through my system when his hand slips under my shirt. But this time, it actually feels like a shock. I gasp and pull away from the kiss.

            “What the hell was that?” My side feels tingly where his hand still rests and I feel a bit dizzy. Okay, maybe the dizziness is from lack of oxygen due to making out. “Why do I feel like I just touched an electric fence?” Derek is just staring at me blankly. Classic Hale. “Now is the time to start explaining your stupid werewolf stuff,” I hint.

            “I… uh… I actually don’t know… This has never happened to me before. I’ve never felt a spark like that. I kinda feel like I got zapped, too. My hand feels kinda tingly. Maybe it’s because I am truly in love with yo…” Derek cuts himself off and his hands retreat. I whimper at the loss of touch. He backs away and won’t look at me.

            “You said it! You said you love me. I heard you. You definitely said it.” Derek still won’t look at me and I kinda feel like I am going to pass out. Derek Hale loves me. He said so. I look up and he is shaking his head slowly. Hopping off the counter, I cross the small space between us in a few steps. My hand moves to his jaw once more, but he pulls away. I trap his face between both of my hands, forcing his gaze. “Look at me. I know why you are so hesitant. The only two women you’ve loved have ended up turning against you and hurting people you love. I get that. But I promise you I won’t be lighting anything on fire anytime soon. My mom won’t even let me have a candle in my room. And there won’t be any sacrificing on my part either. Blood kind of makes me queasy. Throw any spice you want at me. Nothing will happen. Well… I might sneeze quite a bit, but that’s it.” The edges of Derek’s lips pull up and I know he is trying not to laugh. “I am 110% human. Always have been. I’ve never killed anything except spiders and I think I might have hit a squirrel on the way to school a few months back… I still feel bad about that. What if he didn’t die right away? What if he had a family? What if he had kids? I might have torn apart a cute little squirrel family and…” Derek’s hand moves over my mouth again.

            “Ouch!” Derek yelps as he pulls is hand away from my face.

            “Told you there might be teeth next time.” A grin breaks across my face and a similar one splits Derek’s. “I’m serious though. I understand why you are scared. I would be too if all of that had happened to me. But you have absolutely nothing to worry about with me. I’m about as scary as a baby penguin and equally as dangerous. And I love the same people you do. I would never do anything to hurt any of them. They are as much my pack as they are yours.” Derek’s shoulders rise and fall as he lets out a loud sigh. “Well, if kissing me is that terrible, I’ll just leave…” I mutter, faking hurt.

            “Best kiss I’ve ever had,” Derek whispers as he tugs me so I am flush against his chest. Every inch of hard muscle is obvious through his thin t-shirt. The same electric zap goes through both of us as his hand moves back under my shirt. Instinct kicks in and my head tilts, offering my neck to him. “Well you know how to make a wolf happy,” Derek murmurs into my skin. His lips trail kisses and bites along my neck and jaw, coming up to meet my own.

            The kiss is only broken by his shirt being pulled over his head and tossed away. The kiss breaks again as I kick my jeans off. I am lifted off the floor by Derek’s strong arms around me. My ankles lock around his waist as he sets me on the counter and pushes me up against the wall.

            “Ugh, Derek, I thought we agreed no sex in the kitchen? Come on. It’s been literally less than twelve hours since we got here and you are already breaking a rule?” Cora snaps. “Hi Jess.” I attempt to hide behind Derek, embarrassed by my state of undress.

            “Oh go to hell, Cora,” Derek growls.

            “Only if you don’t come with,” she quips, dropping her backpack and settling on the couch. It’s obvious she isn’t going anywhere. A low growl rumbles in Derek’s chest. “Oh hush. You don’t scare me.” I hop off the counter and search for my pants, my level of embarrassment rising exponentially when I find them caught on the faucet in the island. After slipping into them, Derek takes my hand and pulls me toward the spiral staircase. “Oh there is no _way_ you are taking her in my room. No offense, Jess. But I will not have that happening in my room.” I just want to disappear into thin air.

            “You were taking me to your _sister’s room_?” I mutter into his ear.

            “Well, that’s my bed,” Derek states, pointing to a mattress in the corner of the room. “And I don’t plan on using it while she is hanging around.” Cora smirks and rises from the couch.

            “Well, Jess, this has been sufficiently awkward. I’m going to Stiles’. I’ll see you at school.” She makes a face at Derek and heads to the door, dragging her backpack along the floor.

            “And you are giving me shit for messing around…” Derek sneers as she slides the door closed. I just raise an eyebrow. “They have been texting non-stop for the past couple months. Her heart gets all fluttery whenever he texts her. She is crazy about him.” Derek sounds purely annoyed.

            “You should be happy for your sister. I know she and Boyd had some weird connection thing and she is moving on. And I know you don’t really like Stiles all that much, but he really is a great guy. He won’t do anything to hurt her either because he knows he’ll have you to deal with if he does.” Derek smirks at the thought of harming Stiles, most likely thinking about ripping his throat out with his teeth. “Be nice.” He just grunts.

            “Now where were we?” Derek growls, wrapping his arms tightly around me. A giggle works its way out of me. “What’s so funny?”

            “I think I’m nervous… I laugh a lot when I’m nervous… It’s weird, I know. Sorry…” I tuck my chin and rest my forehead against his chest. His hand pushes against my chin, forcing me to look at him.

            “If you have a single doubt about what we were just about to do, you need to tell me.” I shake my head furiously. “You need to be sure. There are a few extra things you need to know about before you decide if you actually want to lose your virginity to me.” Ugh, buzz kill. Leave it to Derek to turn foreplay into some serious talk about the consequences of sex. I wiggle out of his grasp and he lets me go.

            “Aghhhh….” I groan. “I don’t want a safe sex talk… I’ve had that like three times. I understand. Wear a condom, take birth control, make sure it’s with someone you care about, blah, blah, blah. I know all of this. I’ve taken high school health.” Derek looks extremely uncomfortable. Good.

            “I’m not talking about safe sex. I’m talking about safe _werewolf_ sex. There are a few things that are different…”

 

            “So, wait… Knotting? That’s actually a thing? I just thought that was a rumor…” The conversation had comprised of both of us criss-cross on the floor and Derek uncomfortably explaining how knotting worked. How werewolf impregnation worked. And me sitting awkwardly and listening to Derek talk about his dick. “Okay… I think I’ve got this. Male wolves have a knot so that when they have sex, the female can’t leave and it is kind of like an extra guarantee that the female will get pregnant?” Derek nods. “But, with werewolves, if you just use a condom, it’s fine. And birth control still works, right?” Another nod. “Then I don’t see a problem. I have nothing to compare it to, so it shouldn’t matter.” He is looking at me like I’m insane.

            “After all I just told you, you still want to go through with it?” He sounds astonished. His brow is furrowed and he looks deep in concentration. I smooth my thumb over his forehead, trying to get rid of the wrinkles.

            “You shouldn’t frown so much. One day it is going to stick like that. And of course I still want to go through with this. Why wouldn’t I? I am in love with you. You have told me that you love me, too. And I am still trying to figure out if you are carved from marble or not. What else matters?” Derek opens his mouth, but I know what he is going to say. “I have weighed the consequences. We are going to be smart about it. Then there won’t be any consequences. Sound like a plan?” Derek just smiles at me fondly.

            “You are one stubborn little thing, aren’t you?” I nod curtly and very gracefully (yeah right) climb onto his lap. “Oh my gosh, Jess. Seriously?”

            “100% serious over here. I. Love. You. And I want you to take away this pesky v-card I’ve got in my wallet.” Derek blushes and nuzzles into my neck. The nuzzling quickly turns into kissing and licking. I smile, knowing I am going to get what I want. “You can’t resist this,” I mock. He bites down over my jugular, making me yelp.

            “Watch it; I’ve got a lot of power over you right now.” I don’t want to admit it, but he is right. He nibbles on my ear and a small, breathy moan comes from deep in my throat. I can feel his grin on my skin. Kissing down my neck, he picks a spot and goes to work. I know that I’ll have a hicky in moments and usually I think hickies are trashy, but the fact that Derek Hale is putting it on my skin makes me not care. Again, he clamps down over my jugular, but this time I feel fangs. It feels good, really good. But the fangs scare me.

            “Derek…” My voice shakes a little. “Do you need a second?” Derek pulls away and meets my gaze. His eyes are completely human. “Your fangs were out…” I say, trying to explain my worried expression.

            “Oh… No, I know they were. I did that on purpose. It’s a pleasure thing. I am entirely in control. Plus, you completely leaned into it and your heart rate spiked again. I figured that meant you liked it.” Derek now looks worried. “Did I hurt you?” I shake my head and try to recall the sensation, but I can’t.

            “Can you do that again? Now that I know you are in control? Maybe I’ll be more comfortable with it.” Sure enough, his fangs pinch at my neck and my whole body shudders.  “No, you were wrong. I don’t like it.” Immediately, Derek’s lips leave my neck and he is searching my face. I smile. “I _love_ it. You can do that all the time. Seriously, like anytime you want.” A smirk flashes across his face. “And it’s been at least an hour since you’ve kissed me. About an hour too long in my opin…” My words are swallowed by Derek’s mouth crashing against mine.

            A low growl rumbles through his chest and my shirt is pulled off my body. In one swift movement, we are standing and his shirt has joined mine on the floor. _Damn werewolf powers._ He picks me up and I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and lock my ankles at the small of his back. His hands grab at my ass and pull me closer. I blaze my own trail down his neck and over his collarbones as he carries me toward the bed in the corner. At the pace we are going, I expect to be tossed on the bed and have Derek crash on top of me.

            But, no. Derek sets me lightly on the bed and carefully disentangles my limbs from his body. His hands make quick work of my jeans and move to get his off.

            “Shouldn’t I be doing that?” I smile at Derek’s surprised expression. “I know more about this than you might think. I’ve had a lot of make out sessions that almost went this far, but never did. So up until this point I am completely in my comfort zone. After this though I…”

            “Do you ever not talk?” I just shake my head and sit up. My fingers are surprisingly steady when they move to unbutton Derek’s jeans.

            “I’ve been around you when you were only in boxers before too.” Derek cocks his head to the side. “The wolfsbane trap? You called me so I could set it off safely.” He still looks confused. “It was in the forest by your old house. You showed it to me and thought you were at a safe distance when I set it off. You weren’t and got covered in it so I took you to my house. I helped you shower and you slept in my bed.”

            “I remember you giving me your dad’s sweats. And you played with my hair.” I smile at the memory.

            “I think that was the first time you let me touch you without pulling away or growling at me. The claw marks are still under a rug in my room.” Derek frowns at that. Then my brain remembers that we are both currently half naked and clicks back into reality. My hands hook around the back of his neck and pull him down on top of me.

            Derek looks down at me as if to ask if I’m okay. I simply smile and slide my fingertips under the elastic of his uncharacteristically orange boxer briefs. Another low growl rolls through his chest and he swoops down, kissing me deeply. Wrapping his arm around me, he slips a hand beneath my back and undoes my bra. Why he is so good at that fleetingly enters my mind, but the fact that I’m going to be naked in a matter of seconds crushes it. His fingers hook my underwear and slowly tug them down my hips. My hands follow and pull at his boxers. They move down easily and he kicks them onto the floor, tossing my underwear with them. I glance down, but look away immediately, suddenly awkward in my own skin.

            “You are allowed to look, you know that? And I can smell how uncomfortable you feel in your own skin. You are beautiful. No, you are gorgeous. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.” My cheeks flush and I look down again.

            He is big. No, huge, not that I have any comparisons. I swallow audibly, causing Derek to pull my gaze back to his face.

            “If you are even thinking about doubting this, we can stop right now.” I shake my head and kiss him sloppily. My hands wind into his hair and pull him as close to me as he can get. I hear a drawer opening and glance over to see Derek grabbing a little square packet from the nightstand. I swallow again, my nerves getting the better of me.

            “I want to do this, but I am really nervous… So if I start rambling, I’m sorry. It’s just how I deal with being nervous. I’ve always done that. Even when I was little. I don’t really know why I do it, but it just kind of happens… Like I am doing right now… Sorry… I’ll be quiet now.” Derek is just smiling down at me.

            “Ramble all you want. It’s adorable.” I frown. Now isn’t the time to be adorable. Now is the time to be sexy. I hear foil rip and take a deep breath. _You can do this. You want this. It’s with Derek and you know that he loves you and that he will be gentle. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay._ “You okay, Jess? I’m ready if you are.”

            “Finally going to lose my virginity. Weird to think about that. I’m like changing identifiers. I’m no longer going to have that part of me… Oh… sorry. Yeah, I’m ready. Full speed ahead. Go for it.” _Please just shut your mouth._ Luckily, Derek reads my mind and kisses me, stopping the flow of nonsense.

            “Okay, are you sure?” I just nod, not trusting myself to not ramble. “Just breathe, okay? It’s going to hurt for a bit, but that will go away. I promise.” Taking a shaky breath in, I tighten my grip in Derek’s hair. I can feel him pushing against me. At first, it’s just uncomfortable. Then it just hurts. He stays completely still, waiting for me to adjust. His hand rests on my stomach and the pain starts to ebb. Glancing down, I realize he is using his werewolf healing on me, each vein in his arm turned black.

            “You don’t have to… Ahhhh!” A cry pushes its way from my vocal chords as he moves for the first time. If this is what sex feels like, I’m not sure if I’ll ever try it again… But as soon as that thought train forms, the pain fades and pleasure takes over. I let out a shaky breath that I didn’t realize I was holding in. Derek slowly picks up his pace, kissing my face and neck. We both breathe in raged pants. Something is starting to pull everything in my lower stomach tight.

            Derek growls low in my ear and the tight feeling speeds up, spreading to my arms and legs. A loud moan pushes through my lips.

            “Good girl… Let me hear you…” Derek pants in my ear. His gruff words are my undoing and I come apart at the seams, yelling his name. Soon after, my name is growled in my ear as Derek finds his own release, sinking his fangs into my neck. I wait for pain to come as he breaks the skin, but all I feel is a warmth spreading through me. His pace slows to a stop and I expect him to pull out but suddenly there is a sharp pressure.

            “Ouch! What the hell is that?!” I choke out, coming down from my high. Derek just growls. “Is that… Is that the knot thing?” I squeak, wiggling to find a more comfortable position. “How long until it goes back to normal?”

            “It’ll take less time if you stop moving…” Derek sounds in pain so I freeze. I ask if I’m hurting him. “It’s just kind of uncomfortable for both parties. The less you move and the more you relax, the faster this will go.” I nod and lift my head, placing a soft kiss on his frown. After a minute or two, Derek finally pulls out and I am free to move. I wince as I sit up. “You’ll be sore for a day or two.” Great. “And you are going to smell really strongly of me. So prepare for Scott and Isaac to be making faces at you when you are near them. Cora already pretty much knows. And she won’t bother me when she comes home reeking of Stiles.” Derek just flops onto his back and I snuggle into his side.

            “Hey, you bit me. What was that about? I mean, it didn’t hurt or anything, I’m just curious.” Derek just shrugs and says that werewolves have a thing for biting.

            “I used my healing abilities at the same time so it wouldn’t hurt or leave a mark. Though I kind of wanted it to leave a mark…” I point to the hickies that I know are speckling my neck, and he just kisses them. I nuzzle into his neck and curl as close to him as I can. He pushes me away and gets up. I whimper at the empty bed. Derek slips on his boxers and disappears upstairs.

            Derek wakes me up and hands me a t-shirt. I snatch my underwear off the floor and slip into the shirt. It smells just like Derek and I nuzzle into the collar.

            “You have a very wolf-like personality, you know that?” I just look at him. “You nuzzle into things and sniff at things. Plus you whined when I got up. I’ve only ever heard werewolves whimper at loss of touch.” I just shrug and blush. He crawls back into bed and wraps his arm tightly around me. His steady breath and the rhythm of his heart put me to sleep almost instantly.

 

 

            “Oh jesus… It fucking reeks in here Derek. God what did you two do?” Cora’s disgusted voice wakes me up. I move to snuggle into Derek, but I find an empty bed. “Good morning, Jess… I see you’ve made yourself at home with my brother.” Her tone is light, not angry.

            “Sorry Cora. I didn’t mean to get you kicked out of your own home…” I start. Derek just snorts from the kitchen.

            “Oh she had her own fun last night, didn’t you Cora? Sherriff have a night shift, did he? And you think I smell? Take a whiff of yourself. You reek of Stiles.” Derek sounds equally disgusted and glares Cora down as she heads up the stairs. “She is only giving you crap because she is trying to avoid talking about her own adventures last night. Coffee?” He offers, leaning against the wall near the kitchen. I ask if he has tea and he laughs. Apparently tea isn’t a Derek Hale- preferred beverage. I settle for a glass of water.

 

            As I greet Stiles and Allison at school, Scott, Lydia and Isaac join us. Scott and Isaac both take deep breaths and blush wildly. Allison and Lydia look at each other, confused. Stiles is oblivious as usual. Neither of them mentions that I reek of their former alpha. As we split and head towards our morning classes, I hook Scott and Isaac by the elbows. They both look at me and pull faces.

            “I know you can smell it on me. Lydia is going to figure it out in like two seconds. She will tell Allison and Cora will probably tell Stiles. So it’s not some big secret. But I would appreciate it if you stopped looking at me like I smell of rotten fish. Thanks.” They both blush again and hurriedly apologize. I hug them and go to class.

            Lydia is waiting for me and I know twenty questions will fly my way when I get to her.

            “You guys totally did it, didn’t you?” She looks very proud of herself for figuring it out without having the werewolf sense of smell. “Based on the freaked out looks Scott and Isaac were giving you, I’m going to guess that you smell like Derek. And the only way for it to be that strong is for you to have slept with him.” A blush races across my face. Her manicured fingernails tap against the top of the desk. “Out with it.” All I can manage is a slight nod. “Ha! Now aren’t you glad I made you go over there? You would still be a virgin if I hadn’t,” Lydia brags, obviously taking full credit for my new sexual status.

            “Yeah, thanks. But can you not shout to the heavens about it? I’d like to keep it as quiet as I can…” Lydia just smiles and hugs me tightly.

            “Oh I’m so proud of you, Jess. Now, the important stuff. Is he as good as I’ve imagined?” I just glare her down. “Because if his looks are anything to go by, he must be a tiger in the sheets. With those abs and that dark stare?” She shudders dramatically. “Man, that’d do it for me.” A quiet growl rises from my throat. Lydia just stares at me. “Did you just… was that a growl? Sheesh. Too much time with a werewolf. You are starting to sound like one.”

            “Uh… sorry… I just, can you not talk about him like that? Something in my brain kinda wants to kill you when you do. I get jealous really easy. I know you aren’t going to make a pass at him, but it still makes me uncomfortable…” Lydia just lifts her hands up, defensively. I settle into my stool and make an attempt to listen to whatever my Biology teacher is rambling about. My attention span is surprisingly long today and I am able to make it through the lesson without my mind wandering.

            Walking down the hall to my next class, Lydia is going on about some calculus exam she is convinced she is going to fail. Suddenly a sharp pain drags across my stomach, making me stop and let out a loud yelp. Lydia just turns around, looking as if I have inconvenienced her but stopping. Ducking into the bathroom, I pull up my shirt. Looking in the mirror, four long pink marks stripe my stomach. Another wave of pain washes over me and three more marks appear.

            “What the fuck is happening to me?” I mutter.

 

            _Peter is standing over Derek, sneering at him. Loud pants escape Derek as his body tries to heal itself._

_“Not so strong now are we, beta?” Peter spits the words and Derek snarls._

_“I was more of an alpha than you will ever be,” Derek breathes. Peter growls loudly and his fist collides with Derek’s jaw._

I come back to reality and I am on the floor of the bathroom, panting. My jaw aches and I wonder if I hit my head when I fell.  Pulling my shirt up once more, the pink marks still linger. _Oh god. Derek is in trouble…_ a small voice informs me. How I know, I’ve got no clue. But I need to get to him before Peter kills him.

            I purposefully walk to Scott and Isaac’s class and ask to see them. They both look confused, but become alarmed when we go out in the hall.

            “Jess, your heart is all over the place. What’s wrong?” Scott has his alpha voice on. It kind of makes me want to hit him, but I decide against it. I need their help.

            “Derek is in trouble. Peter is at the loft and he attacked him. I don’t know why I know, but look,” I say, lifting my shirt to reveal the pink marks. “I can feel his pain. I _saw him_. It was like I was Derek. Peter was standing over him. He punched Derek and when I came to, my jaw hurt. It still hurts. We have to go. Now,” I plead, tugging on both of their sleeves. Scott just nods, but is looking at me strangely. “Please help him…” I whimper.

 

            I take the stairs to Derek’s loft two at a time, Scott and Isaac at my heels. Throwing the door open, I see Peter has Derek pinned to a wall.

            “Peter!” I scream. Before I know it, I have crossed the room and am right next to the both of them. “Let. Him. Go,” I snarl. Peter just smirks.

            “And what are you going to do about it? You are just a pesky little human. I could gut you like a pig right here and now.” Derek whines and Peter pushes him against the wall harder. Scott growls loudly, causing Peter to look toward the door. “Ah, that’s cute. You brought back up.” Peter just ignores them and goes back to threatening Derek.

            “Peter… You need to go. And not come back,” Scott growls, his eyes blazing red. “You are out-numbered and I am an alpha. You don’t stand a chance. Leave.”

            “Hold on a minute. Why are you here? How… How did you know that I was here?” Peter lets go of Derek and backs away. “What… I don’t understand. Have you two…” Peter pulls a face and then looks at Derek as though he now understands it all. “You mated her, didn’t you? That’s why she knew you were hurt.” _Mated me? What the fuck does that mean?_  Derek shakes his head and pushes away from the wall. Peter turns on me and Derek growls low in his throat. “You can feel his pain, can’t you? Show me your stomach.” Derek snarls from the corner, but I just smile at him.

            “It’s okay, Derek. He won’t hurt me when he knows he is outnumbered.” I lift my shirt and I swear Peter’s face almost pales. Glancing down, I see that the marks look worse than they did at school. Blood drips from one cut and Derek is by my side immediately. “I’m fine. Really. What’s bothering me is that you are in pain. I can feel it in my skin. I hate it. And I don’t know how to make it stop.” Derek’s hand is pushing on my face and he is sniffing at my neck. “What are you doing?”

            “I’m making sure that you aren’t seriously hurt. Because if Peter caused you any pain that you couldn’t handle, I swear I’ll rip his lungs out through his throat.” Peter coughs from a corner he has retreated to. “Peter, get the fuck out before I rip you limb from limb.” He doesn’t move. “GET. OUT,” Derek roars. Peter flinches and scoots out the door. I close my eyes and rest my head on his chest. I can feel Derek’s heart race through his t-shirt. I know mine is following his. I let air fill my lungs and my pulse slows and calms. Derek breathes into my hair and I feel him physically relax around me. “How did you do that?”

            “Do what?”

            “I felt so angry and I wanted to kill Peter, but then you touched me and it was like I could feel you breathe. I just calmed down without having to think about it. You being calm must have calmed me down or something…” Derek just smiles at me fondly.

            “So, it’s true. The mating thing? What does that even entail? I mean, we obviously have some strong connection now, but what else? Don’t wolves mate for life?” The frown I know too well works its way onto Derek’s lips. “Why are you frowning…?” Maybe he doesn’t want to be mated to me. Maybe it was an accident and he wants to take it back… Can he take it back?

            “I just… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t realize what I was doing. I’m sorry, Jess…” Derek’s voice fades and he pushes away from me. Moving to sit on the couch, he curls in on himself, putting his head in his hands. I look at Scott and Isaac who are standing near the door. I just nod to them and they quietly exit the loft. They know this is a private conversation. “I’m so sorry, Jess…” he repeats.

            “Why are you sorry?” I whisper, sitting on the couch, careful not to touch him.

            “You didn’t have a say in it. I didn’t ask you about it first. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to take your freedom away from you. Well, you can still have your freedom if you want it. The bond is only permanent for werewolves. You can choose someone else and let it fade. I won’t be able to, but you still can…” Again, Derek’s voice fades out.

            “Hey,” I whisper, causing Derek to look up at me. “You didn’t take my freedom. This is more than I could have ever asked for. The werewolf I am so helplessly in love with has decided that he wants to be with me for the rest of his life.” Derek blushes slightly and I move closer to him. “And why would you think that I would want to let this bond fade…? I knew that you loved me before the bond formed, but now I can actually _feel_ how much you do. I can feel the way your heart skips when I walk into the room. It’s like I can reach out and touch what you feel for me.” Derek’s ears turn red as he pulls me onto his lap and nuzzles into my neck.

            “And I can feel how much this drives you crazy…” he whispers, biting down. I let out a yelp, but lean fully into the sensation. “The bond is even stronger with me. My wolf is completely connected to you. I can feel your emotions. I can sense when something is wrong. It’s like our own telephone connection. If I’m not around, but you want me to be, just think about me and I’ll be able to tell.”

            “Well, that is kind of creepy if you can tell when I am thinking about you…” Derek just smiles against my skin and continues his adventures across my collarbones. “Derek?” He pulls away and looks at me intently. “Don’t ever think that I am going to choose someone else and let what we have fade. Focus on me. Do you feel that? Focus on how much I love you. If you ever doubt us or me, just focus on this feeling and it will tell you that I will never leave you. We need a nap. Or something.” A smile flashes across his face as he stands, still holding me close to him.

            He is holding me bridal style and carries me to the bed. After he sets me down, I curl into his blankets, but he wanders up the stairs. Returning, he hands me a t-shirt and kicks his jeans off. Derek moves to crawl into bed, but I tug on his shirt. It hits the floor in seconds. I snuggle into his chest, but he pushes on my shoulder. Derek pushes his face into my neck, reversing the classic positions. I wrap my arm tightly around his shoulder and his fingers splay across my stomach. I decide that this is my new favorite way to cuddle, with my werewolf wrapped around me. Pressing my lips to his forehead, he lets out a sigh.

            “What’s wrong?” A sudden feeling of worry flows through me. It’s not mine either. “What is it? What’s worrying you?” Derek lifts his head, searching my eyes.

            “Every time I get hurt, it’s going to affect you… You don’t heal like I do. I don’t want you to suffer because of me.” I am suddenly aware of the cuts that were present on my stomach not hours ago. I wiggle slightly, and lift my shirt. The skin is completely unharmed. Derek runs his fingers over it and lets out a little huff. “Thank god…” I move to pull my shirt back down, but his hand blocks the way, still tracing patterns over my skin. Goosebumps rise over my arms and I shiver. “You cold?” Before I can even answer, Derek is up out of bed and retrieving the blanket draped over the back of the couch. A smile breaks across my face. “I usually don’t sleep with anything but a sheet since my body temperature is so high.” Derek pulls the blanket over the two of us and snuggles back into my chest. I press a lingering kiss to his hair and settle into the feeling of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things around Beacon Hills are still quiet, but not too quiet. The pack is keeping themselves busy with trying to handle Peter and his random attacks. After everything, the pack no longer expects things to blow up in our faces. Things feel completely normal, more so than they have in years. Granted, I am dating and mated to a twenty-five year-old werewolf, but it’s the most normal relationship I’ve ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> un-beta'd! Leave comments and things! Love you all! thank you for sticking with me on this!

            Things around Beacon Hills are still quiet, but not too quiet. The pack is keeping themselves busy with trying to handle Peter and his random attacks. After everything, the pack no longer expects things to blow up in our faces. Things feel completely normal, more so than they have in years. Granted, I am dating and mated to a twenty-five year-old werewolf, but it’s the most normal relationship I’ve ever had.

 

            “Good morning, Jess!” Derek calls from the kitchen. I simply groan and pull the covers over my head, not wanting to leave the warmth. “Get up, or I’ll make you.”

            “But the sheets have accepted me as one of their own. If I leave now, I’ll lose their trust,” I mutter from the bed. I hear footsteps pad to the bed and brace myself. As I guessed, I am scooped out of bed, blankets and all. A loud groan comes from my chest and Derek just tries to find my face amidst the covers. He finally succeeds and kisses me lightly. “Talk about a rude awakening…” I mutter. Derek chuckles.

            “I debated jumping on the bed. But I decided I didn’t want to die this morning.” I run my fingers through his hair, appreciating the bedhead.

            “Well, you are smarter than you look,” I tease. I am deposited onto a stool and handed a cup of tea. Soon, an omelet is placed in front of me. I just smile and drink my tea. “You remembered my favorite kind.” Derek lifts his head from the newspaper he is reading and blows a kiss my way. Catching it, I place it on my cheek. My stomach growls audibly and I dig into my food. I moan quietly as the food hits my tongue. “I didn’t know you could cook like this!” I mutter through another mouth of food. A smirk crosses Derek’s features. He refills my cup as I continue to scarf down the remains on my plate. “Marry me?” His face reddens slightly and he takes my plate, depositing it in the sink.

 

            I am ushered off to school with a kiss. Every ounce of my body is telling me not to walk out the door. It’s saying _stay with him. You can cuddle and make out and maybe do other things. School can wait for a day._ But the mate bond gives me away. Derek tells me that my grades are important and that I need to finish the last month and a half of my senior year on a high note. I groan, but allow myself to be pushed out of the loft.

 

            Walking into history, I move to sit in my usual spot. Only to find it taken by a kid with dark blonde hair and lightly tanned skin. I stop dead in my tracks. He is beautiful. The black beanie on the back of his head is perfect with the striped t-shirt covering his top half. His jeans are dark and just tight enough that I bet they would give a _phenomenal_ view of his ass…

            I shake my head, astonished that I would even think about another person besides Derek like that. I move toward him and tell him that he is in my seat. He picks his head up and looks me square in the eye. I swear my heart stops. His eyes are so blue, they are almost gray. Swallowing, I drop my gaze to the floor.

            “Oh, sorry about that. Here, I’ll move over,” his voice rings out. My heart jumps through my chest again. He gets up to move to the next desk over. I was right about his ass. “I’m Connor, by the way. I just moved here from Minnesota.” Connor flashes a smile of perfectly white teeth. I realize he is holding out his hand and I hesitantly shake it.

            “Jessica,” is all I can manage to say. He nods and pulls out a notebook. Connor notices that I am watching him and winks, sending my heart fluttering all over again. _Jess, get a hold of yourself. You have Derek. You love Derek. You are mated with Derek. Some kid in your history class isn’t going to ruin that._  The entire class, I attempt to not sneak glances at him. Every once in awhile, our eyes meet and I can’t help the smile that flashes across my face. By the end of class, we are chatting about his family and why he moved to Beacon Hills of all places. I find out that his dad is a surgeon and is now working at the hospital. I tell Connor about Scott and his mom and how his dad will probably be working with Melissa.

            “She is a nurse and has been working there for years. She knows all of the ropes and is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. She saved one of our star lacrosse player’s lives actually. One of his lungs collapsed, and the doctor on call was on her way in. So she saved him. I wasn’t there but Scott told me about it.” Connor just smiles.

            “Well, I hope that I get to meet her sometime. She sounds amazing. So does this Scott guy. Are you guys, like, together?” A loud bark of a laugh escapes me, causing a few people in class to look back at us. I can feel my face turn red as we both stifle giggles. “I’ll take that as a no.”

            “Nah, Scott is like my brother. He is a really great guy, but his situation with all of that is kind of complicated. Maybe I’ll explain it to you sometime.” Connor smiles that million-watt smile again. The bell rings and I head for the door. Before I can leave though, my teacher calls to Connor and I. Shit, we are probably going to get in trouble for talking so goddamn much. Great.

            “Jess, I see you have met our new student, Connor,” she says suggestively. I try my best not to glare at her. “Since you have the highest grade in this class and you have already hit it off, I would like you to help Connor catch up on what he has missed in this unit so far.” I can’t help the smile that moves across my lips. I just nod and head for the door and Connor catches up with me.

            “So, I guess we are study buddies now,” he says, elbowing me playfully. “I have chemistry next in room 603.” A grin takes its place on my face again as I realize we have the next class together too.

            We walk into the room laughing and Lydia immediately perks up. Then her face falls, but I barely notice as I walk by her to sit next to Connor at a lab table. She turns around and glares at me. Taking notice of the empty stool next to her, Stiles slides onto it, smirking. Lydia simply rolls her eyes and taps her pen against the desk.

            “Did I steal someone’s lab partner?” Connor asks, motioning to Lydia and Stiles. Stiles is talking her ear off and I know Lydia isn’t hearing a single word.

            “Kind of, but I am showing the new kid around school. She won’t mind when I explain.”

 

            Chemistry passes quickly enough, though I have a hard time concentrating. Connor keeps bumping our elbows together and winking at me when we make eye contact. Lydia passes me a note at one point, but I drop it on the floor and it disappears under the lab table, gone forever. A grin is plastered on my face and I can’t help the giggles that keep working their way out of my throat. Connor is full of terrible chemistry jokes and he lets me know about every single one. At one point, our teacher hears one and decides that Connor should be responsible for the joke of the day. He looks very proud of his new responsibility.

            After class, Lydia grabs my arms with a little more force than necessary.

            “What the hell do you think you are doing? Have you completely forgotten about Derek, your _mate_?” She snaps.

            “I’m not doing anything. I’m being friendly to a new student. I’m sorry if that offends you. I invited him to sit with us at lunch because he doesn’t really have any friends yet. Don’t be rude to him. Please. He is a really nice kid. Give him a chance.” Lydia just scowls at me and turns on her heel, swishing her hair. Someone grabs my sides, making me squeak. Connor is standing behind me, a big grin on his face.

            “I did get you in trouble, didn’t I?” I just shrug and loop my arm through his, towing him toward the lunch room. Once we get inside, I move to the usual table and everyone looks up.

            “Guys, this is Connor. He just moved here from Minnesota and he hasn’t really made any friends yet. So I invited him to eat with us. I hope that’s okay.” Lydia is shooting daggers at me, but everyone else smiles. “Connor, this is Scott, Stiles, Allison, Isaac, and Lydia.” He shakes their hands, but Lydia just ignores him. “Ignore her,” I whisper. Connor sits between me and Scott and immediately starts to chat with the group.

            “You should come hang out at my house tonight. Me, Stiles, and Isaac are going to play video games and stuff. Probably get pizza, too.” Scott looks very hopeful. Connor smiles, but turns them down.

            “I am going to study with Jess. Our history teacher wants her to help me catch up since she is doing so well in that class. Hopefully she is a good teacher,” he teases, nudging me. Scott raises an eyebrow, but I just shoot him a look that makes him look away.

 

            The bell rings and I show Connor to his next class. I give him my address and tell him to be at my house at 6. He nods and hugs me. I can feel the blush color my cheeks and turn away, so he won’t see. Having no final period, I send Derek a text.

            _Hey, babe. I’m coming over. ;)_

            _Sounds good to me. ;)   –D_

            I start my car and drive a bit too fast to the loft. The door slides open before I even raise my fist to knock. My hug is met by a wall of pure muscle. He sniffs at my neck and kisses me. Derek asks me what I want to do and I just kiss him again. He seems to get the message and pulls my through the doorway, pushing me against the door after it slides shut. I groan into his mouth and his tongue slides between my lips. I trap him bottom lip between my teeth and tug. I’m rewarded with a growl that reverberates through my bones.

 

            Derek pulls his boxers on and flops onto the bed, giving me a sated and fond smile.

            “We should leave around 5:30 to get to the restaurant in time for our reservation.” The smile falls from my face. “What?” Derek props himself on his elbow, staring at me.

            “Shoot. I told this new kid at school that I would help him study tonight. I’ll just cancel and we can study tomorrow. I’m sorry, babe. I totally forgot.” Derek frowns and sits up. “Why do I feel like you are pissed at me?” He won’t look at me, but I can sense the anger building in him. “Derek, why are you mad at me? I just forgot. It’s not like I’m cancelling on you. I said that I would tell Connor that we could study another day.”

            “I’m not mad at you,” Derek says, but I can hear that his jaw is clenched. I sit up and pull on his shoulder. “I said I’m not mad…” He still won’t look at me.

            “I can feel that you are pissed. Don’t lie to me. Just tell me why you are mad and let me try to fix it. Please?” I try to take all of the compassion I am feeling and shove it toward Derek so he will notice and calm down. He takes a deep breath and turns back to me.

            “I just don’t like the idea of you spending a night with some kid you just met. What if he tries something?” I scoff, but Derek keeps talking. “And when you mentioned him, it made me remember that you smelled weird when you came in. You smelled like another guy and my wolf wanted to find out who left their scent on you and rip their…” I push my arms around Derek’s neck and cut off his words with a kiss. “I’m sorry. I just get jealous so easily. I don’t even like it when you come here smelling like Scott or Isaac. I ignore it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me. You can go study with him tonight. I can move the reservation to next week.” I just smile and brush my hand along his jaw. “Just, don’t let him try anything, okay?” I can feel the blush move across my face and I bury it in the curve of his neck. I mutter a thank you and kiss him chastely.

 

            Pulling into my driveway, I see a blue pick-up parked along the street. As I get out of the car, Connor emerges from it and meets me at the door. A grin flashes across my face in response to the dazzling smile he is giving me. Unlocking the door and entering, I move to the kitchen to grab food. My mom is sitting at the dining table. She coughs slightly when Connor walks in the room.

            “Uh… Mom, this is Connor. Connor, my mom. He is a new student and my history teacher asked me to help him get caught up since I am doing so well in that class.” My mom smiles and shakes his offered hand. I nod toward the stairs and we both head up to my room. After swinging the door open, I realize it is a complete mess. My face flushes as I try to toss laundry quickly into the basket and straighten the covers on my bed.

            “You don’t have to clean. It’s fine. I don’t mind. Hell, give my room three days and you won’t be able to see the floor,” Connor states, taking a bag of chips out of my hand and settling on my bed. “Okay, so what are you going to teach me about first?” he spits through a mouth of chips.

 

            After about an hour, both of us are lying on our backs on the floor, staring at the ceiling. We are both facing opposite directions and my feet are resting on my bed. I glance over at Connor, who is currently laughing at his own joke maybe a little too hard. His laugh rings through my room. I am so in deep trouble. _I need to stay away from this kid or something bad is going to happen._ But that smile pulls me in again and I am soon laughing just as hard.

 

 

            Over the last month of school, I continue to help Connor with his history because, to be honest, he sucks at it. In turn, he helps me with my chemistry because, let’s face it, I am worse at chemistry than he is at history. I take comfort in the fact that he hasn’t tried anything. Just hugs. And hugs are completely fine. I hug Scott, Isaac, and Stiles just as often. I tell Derek about all of our study, I don’t want to call them dates, meet-ups. He still doesn’t like it, but knows that it is helping me as well.

            We are studying for our finals in both history and chemistry. Various books, papers and notebooks liter Connor’s floor, each of us wedged in our own spots amongst the mess. I let out a loud groan and flop on top of a bunch of papers. Connor laughs and lets himself fall to the floor as well. His hand lands against mine, but I don’t flinch away from the touch. I turn and notice he is watching me. His fingers entangle with mine and I still don’t move away. Connor lifts our hands and brings mine to his lips. Pressing a light kiss to the back of my hand, he closes his eyes.

            “Connor… What are you doing?” His eyes flick open, but I feel the corners of my lips turn up. Before my brain can register what is happening, Connor rolls and is pushing me into the floor. His lips push against mine and are softer than anything I’ve ever felt. My free hand moves to his hair. Today is one of the few days he isn’t wearing a beanie. He moans into my mouth and I feel his tongue try to push its way into my mouth. I let it in.

            Connor sits up and pulls his shirt off. His abs are perfectly cut and my fingers wander to trace every line. Moving back down to kiss me, his fingertips slip under the waistband of my jeans and undo the button without much struggle. Instinctively, I wiggle and kick them off. Connor pulls away and looks at me, worried.

            “You’ve never done this before, have you?” I ask. Connor moves away and leans up against the bed, blushing. “Hey,  
that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, until this year, I hadn’t either.” With that, Derek flies into my head. The reality of it all, my pants on the floor, Connor’s shirtlessness, and the fact that I was going to go through with sleeping with him, hits me like a ton of bricks. Connor looks at me, the pink fading out of his skin. He gives me a small smile and takes my hand.

            “Thanks for understanding.” He makes a move to kiss me, but I flinch out of the way. “I… I’m sorry. I just… I don’t think I am ready…”

            “No, that’s not it. I just… there’s something I haven’t told you.” Connor’s face falls and he looks as though he understands everything.

            “You’re a lesbian, aren’t you? God, just my luck…” A bark of a laugh escapes me and Connor looks at his feet.

            “Oh god, no. I’m 110% straight. That’s not it either. I should have told you the first day. But you were just so nice and cute and I think I told myself that nothing was going to happen. But it did anyway. You are an amazing guy and I wish that this could be a thing but it can’t.” Connor picks his head up.

            “You have a boyfriend, don’t you…?” His eyes look shiny and I swear the kid is about to burst into tears. “I should have known. How could someone that amazing and beautiful not have someone already? I just told myself that maybe I was finally getting my chance to be with someone who liked me just as much as I liked them…”

            “Connor, I do like you. Probably a hell of a lot more than I should. I like kissing you. I love spending time you. You make me smile and laugh until my stomach hurts. But I am in love with my boyfriend and we have something that is really special. I am so sorry that I let it go this far. This is my fault. Completely my fault,” I mutter, pulling my jeans back on. Connor looks like I’ve slapped him, but he stands and slips back into his shirt. “I really am sorry. I’ve been lead on before and it fucking sucks. Please know that I didn’t do this on purpose.” Connor gives me a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I should probably go…”

            He walks me to the door, but before I can open it, he stands in front of me. Connor looks as though he might want to hurt me, but I trust that he won’t.

            “I just need to know, before you leave. You have feelings for me, don’t you? I’m not imagining all of this?” All I can manage is a nod. “So if your boyfriend wasn’t in the picture, we would be together?” Another nod. “Okay. That’s all I wanted to know.” Connor looks at his feet and I know that is my cue to get out.

 

            I get in my car and press my forehead to the steering wheel. _What have I done? Derek is going to notice. He is going to feel my guilt before I even get to the door. He is going to smell Connor on me…_ Not knowing what else to do, I drive to the loft. My gut is telling me that he needs to know. That he has a right to know.

            I stop half way up the stairs and try to gather my thoughts. I hear the door slide open and Derek call my name. Taking a shaky breath, I finish ascending the flight. Immediately, Derek frowns. _Shit. How am I going to explain this…?_   I just push past him to sit on the couch. Patting next to me, Derek joins me.

            “I know that you can smell him on me. That’s why I came straight here. You have a right to know…” A quiet sob escapes my throat, cutting off my words. “Derek, I am so sorry. I never meant to betray you like this. I tried to keep him at a safe distance, but he just got under my skin… I’m so sorry…” Derek lets out a sigh beside me.

            “I’ve known for awhile how you feel about Con… about him.” I pick my head up and look at Derek. How could he know if I didn’t? “The way your heart almost soared when you would talk about him… It was a dead give-away. And you two spend so much time together. I should have known that I was going to lose you eventually.” Derek stands and moves away from the couch. His words are like a punch to the stomach.

            “What…? You haven’t lost me. Derek, I’m here, aren’t I? If you had lost me, I would still be with Connor doing who knows what.” Derek grimaces and takes a few more steps back. “Are you serious? I know for a fact that you can sense how guilty I feel about this. I feel awful that I let it go this far. I should have stayed away from him from the start. I thought I could control it, but I can’t.” Derek has retreated to the kitchen now.

            “I can feel the guilt. But I can also feel that you are still thinking about him. You liked kissing him.” I open my mouth to protest, but he stops me. “Don’t lie to me, Jess. I know how you feel about him. I just wish you would have told me earlier.” My hands are starting to shake. “Maybe we need to take a break…”

            “So that’s it…?” I ask quietly. His eyes stay glued to the floor. “We’re just going to end it? It’s just going to stop? I said I was sorry, Derek. I came back to you, didn’t I? I’m here, with you,” I force out, taking a step toward him. He retreats further and suddenly I feel like I can’t breathe. “Oh my god… You’re breaking up with me… You’re actually going to do this? After everything?” My eyes start to blur and I feel like I’m falling. Leaning up against the cabinets, I sink to the floor. “Derek, are we really breaking up?”

            “I think it’s for the best right now.” Tears tear through my last defenses and run down my cheeks.

            “But I’m your mate. I know how much you are fighting your wolf right now. I can feel how close you are to losing control. Give in to your wolf, Derek. Maybe instinct is better than logic. You said that the mating bond is permanent. You can’t get rid of it…” Derek finally looks at me, after what seems like ages.

            “But you can. I’ve always felt that I rushed you into this. So, I’m giving you the chance to leave this bond behind. You can go live a normal life with a human. Like I said before, I can feel how much you care for Connor. Go be with him. He is human and normal and I know that he will treat you well.” Derek has his analytical voice on and I know it’s so he won’t break in front of me. I slowly rise off the floor, holding onto the counter to make sure I won’t fall. Anguish and sorrow rip their way through my chest. Then I feel empty. Numb. Void. _Derek is shutting down his emotions…_ a low voice pipes in my head. “You should go.” This is the only time Derek has ever told me to leave the loft. Even when I was half-convinced that he hated me. He would let me hang around as long as I wanted to. Never told me to get out. Never told me to leave him alone. Never told me he didn’t want me around.

That is all I feel. Like I am no longer welcome in what has become my second home over the past few months. Like the man I love doesn’t want me around. Like my mate is doing everything he can to get me out. Something in my chest whines at that, but I know it is Derek’s wolf begging me not to leave.

“Well…” I stammer. “I guess I’ll leave. It’s pretty obvious that I’m not wanted here.” The whine vibrates through me again. Letting go of the counter, I pause for a moment, not trusting my own legs to hold me. The loft door slides open much too easily. “Goodbye, Derek,” I choke, shutting the door. I stumble down the stairs and out into the darkness. As I walk through the parking lot, I try to go through what has just happened. I fish my keys out of my pocket and move to unlock my door. I glance up at the large window in Derek’s loft. A dark figure is standing, watching me. “I will always love you, Derek,” I state, matter-of-factly before sliding into the driver’s seat.

The drive home is slow, but no tears fall. Everything is numb and dulled. After pulling in the driveway, I move to unlock the door. It’s not my door.

It’s Connor’s. Not knowing what else to do, I raise my hand and knock. The door is swung open and I am met by a very confused Connor. Something about this blue-eyed kid in sweats and an old t-shirt rips through the numb and void. Tears spill out and sobs shake through my rib cage. He doesn’t question the crying girl on his front porch and pulls me into a tight hug. He smoothes my hair and knows me well enough not to ask if I’m okay. Connor pulls back and gives me a weak smile.

“I’m not going to ask what happened. We don’t need to talk about it now. Or ever. I really don’t care. What we are going to do instead is go to the store, buy a bunch of food and watch movies until we fall asleep.” The tears are still rolling down my face, but a small smile curls the corners of my mouth. He runs to grab his keys and pulls me out the door.

 

Returning with two bags filled with chips, candy, and various other junk foods, we settle in on Connor’s bed. He puts The Hangover in the DVD player and flops down next to me. Before long, Connor has me talking about Derek.

“So, you left here and went straight there?”

“Of course… I cheated on him. He had a right to know. It’s making me doubt how much he cared about me if he just dumped me like a sack of rocks. We didn’t even do anything. You kissed me. So what? It was harmless and I stopped it before anything actually happened…” Connor looks hurt and know that it is time to change the subject. “You are an amazing friend, you know that? And I didn’t even mean to come here. I just felt numb and empty. I got in my car to drive home and ended up knocking on your door. I was planning on going home and just going to bed, but I’m glad I didn’t.” I let my head fall to rest on his shoulder. I hear a sigh come from his direction. “What?”

“It’s just, I know that you just broke up with your boyfriend, but the fact that you came straight here makes me really happy. You wanted to be with me when you were hurting. Kinda makes your day.” I look up at him and his cheeks are slightly pink. “I guess I’m just still stuck on what happened earlier. You are, like, this amazing girl and the thought of even being with you is just so… I don’t know. I’m sorry. I’ll be quiet now.” A smile moves across my face. “Why are you laughing at me?”

“You’re cute when you ramble like that. And don’t be sorry. I just need time right now. I’m still kind of rolling through the after-shocks of it all. But thank you for being so cool about this. I don’t think that I could be like this if I cared about someone this much and they came running to me after they kissed me and got dumped because of it. So props to you.” I can feel Connor laughing and just dives back into the bag of gummy worms he has been devouring for the past ten minutes.

                                                      

            Five hours, three movies, and way too much junk food later, my eyelids are drooping and I can feel sleep trying to claim me. Connor is dozing and the credits of The Avengers come onto the TV. I wiggle out of his grasp and collect the various wrappers and containers that litter the bed. After dumping everything into the trash can under Connor’s desk, I start opening the drawers of his dresser, in an attempt to find some pajamas. The second drawer holds his boxers and I can feel a slight blush creep across my cheeks and neck. I pull out a pair and shake my jeans off. The fabric is cool and soft against my skin as I walk to turn the TV and light off. I try not to move the bed as I climb back under the covers. Connor moves to accommodate me and I know he is awake. I snuggle into his chest and try not to think about the fact that he wears the same deodorant that Derek does.

            “Those look good on you,” he whispers, voice filled with sleep. With a smile, I pull myself closer to him and bury my face in his neck. I press my lips where his jaw meets his neck, but pull back immediately. “What’s wrong?”

            “That’s just a habit I have… had with Derek,” I say weakly. Connor stays quiet and places a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you, Connor. For being here for me. For everything.” He hushes me and tells me to sleep. I happily oblige and soon drift off.

 

 

            We both get through our finals with minimal scars. Graduation is a mass of emotions. Excitement. Sorrow. Terror. Happiness. Sadness. Goodbyes are said and tears are shed. Hugs are given and pictures are taken. Letters are sent and checks from relatives we’ve never heard of are received. A small blue envelope appears in my mailbox a few days after graduation. It has a PO box return address and no name. Ripping it open, I study the contents.

 

Jess,

Congratulations on graduating high school. It must be exciting.

I hope this finds you well and that you are happy.

I will always love you. Good luck.

~ D

           

            My hands shake as I shove the card back into its envelope. I force back the tears and toss the envelope into the trash as I walk up the driveway. Derek has no right to tell me that he will always love me. He is the one that broke up with me. It was his idea. He is the reason we aren’t together. I try to tell myself that I’ve got Connor and that I am safer with him. I try to tell myself that Derek doesn’t mean anything to me anymore. That I don’t love him. That I never want to see him again. Every inch of me knows they are all lies. My chest aches at the fact that he still cares.

 

            Some days I can still feel the bond. If I drive by the loft, a piece of me jumps up in excitement. I know Derek can sense that I am close by, so I never stay long. Connor doesn’t know. But he doesn’t know about the supernatural half of my life. I don’t think he needs to either. Beacon Hills is safe now.

 

 

            Connor’s fingers play lightly over my arm as a movie comes on the TV. Tonight is one of our lazy, at-home dates that I love so much. There is half a pizza still in its box on the coffee table and various bags of chips. Snuggling farther into the crook of Connor’s neck, I let out a sigh. This has become my normal. Sitting with Connor, falling asleep in his arms, being together all the time. I’m used to it and comfortable. For the first time since the bond was broken, I feel truly happy. The drive-bys past the loft have stopped and I no longer feel a pull toward it.

            “Babe, do you want to go to bed?” Connor’s voice makes me jump slightly, earning a chuckle from him. “Come on, bed.” He stands, taking me with him and starts toward the stairs. Half way up the stairs, I can’t help myself and push Connor against the wall. My lips seek his and his hand finds my hair. Within seconds, the kiss goes from soft and innocent to rough and dirty. It’s all tongues and teeth clashing together, leaving both of us breathless. Connor’s fingers snake under my shirt and press into my hips. We stumble up the rest of the stairs and practically fall into his room; a mess of skin, clothes, and giggles.

            I manage to guide us to the bed. Breaking the kiss, I look at Connor, asking is this is what he wants. He answers my unasked question with a nod. I smile and gently push on his chest, causing him to tumble onto the mattress.

            “Shirt, off.” Connor scrambles to get out of his clothing. I make quick work of my jeans and t-shirt. I’m starting to regret my decision to wear a sports bra, because aren’t they the sexiest thing in the world? I clamber on top of Connor and kiss him, trying to be reassuring. His breath is coming in short pants and I can feel the waves of nerves rolling off of him. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not pushing you into anything you don’t want to do. I’m perfectly happy just as we are. If you don’t want to go there tonight, then we won’t. I’m fine with waiting.” Connor shakes his head furiously.

            “No, I want to. No, I _really_ want to. I’m just kinda scared. Well, not scared, nervous. Losing your virginity is kind of a big deal.” His cheeks are pink and he tries to hide his face in my shoulder, but I trap it between my hands.

            “That is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone is nervous their first time. We can just go slow and if at any point you feel like you want to stop, tell me immediately and we will. Okay? I’ll talk you through it. I’m going to be right here with you the whole time. It’s going to be fine.” Connor nods and presses a kiss to my lips. Letting him set the pace, I settle onto his chest.

            After a minute or two, his lips venture to my neck. Light kisses are feathered over my skin. It mostly tickles causing me to squirm under his touch. He pulls back and looks at me, worried.

            “Nothing’s wrong, but can you just… do that with more pressure? It kinda just tickles right now. Don’t be afraid to like, bite down, if you want. Don’t worry about hurting me.” Connor nods slowly and returns to the skin right below my ear. I feel a nip of teeth and air hisses through my lips. His smile is apparent on my skin. “Per… fect…” I pant. I can tell Connor’s confidence is building because he soon has me flipped so he is in the dominant position. He starts to blaze a trail of kisses down my chest and stomach, nipping at the skin near the elastic of my underwear. My hips involuntarily buck into his touch, making him flinch slightly. I just card my hand through his hair and he goes back to slow torture of my skin.

            I let him have his fun, but eventually, I can’t take it anymore and my hands move to swiftly unbutton his jeans. I shove them efficiently and they are down off his hips. He gets with the program and kicks out of them. Hooking my fingers on my bra, I smile at him and nod. I awkwardly wiggle out of it and move to make my own marks on his neck. But when I clamp down over his jugular, a whimper of pain comes from his mouth.

            “Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry Connor. I didn’t mean to … I…” Connor just smiles and tells me to just be a little gentler. I must have forgotten that Connor is human and has a lower pain tolerance than I am used to. No, I’m not used to that anymore. That is in the past. I shake my head and try to pull myself back to the task at hand. I lick at the spot that is now a deep red from my love bite, soothing it and successfully drawing a moan from Connor. I slip my fingertips under the waistband of his boxers. His breath hitches, but I know it’s not out of fear. Giving a swift tug, I send his boxers down his legs and he proceeds to kick them to the floor. His cheeks redden slightly. “Babe, you don’t have to be embarrassed in front of me. There is nothing bad about your body. Be comfortable in your own skin.” He nods and hooks a finger under the waistband of my underwear. “You are like a pro. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” My underwear hit the floor and suddenly, the weight of his body is gone. He has rolled over to reach into the bottom drawer of his desk. Fishing out a small box, he glances at me.

            “You haven’t got a clue how to use those, do you?” Connor’s face turns bright red, but I just pull him into a kiss. “Your innocence is adorable. I hope you know that.” I take the box out of his hands and pull out a packet. I push on his shoulder and straddle him, his cock right at my stomach. Pulling him into a kiss again, I can feel his dick twitch against my skin. I sit back up and run a finger up the underside of his length. Connor’s whole body shudders. My fingers close around him and give one light tug, familiarizing him with my touch. “Like this,” I mutter, ripping open the plastic. Connor swallows audibly, but nods.

            “I’m going to apologize in advance. There is no way I am going to last very long if you touching me for three seconds made me almost lose it. I just hope that I’ll last long enough for you…” I fleetingly ponder if Connor has the stamina to get me to the edge, but shake the thought away and kiss him. It’s all tongue and spit. It’s sloppy and loud, but hot. I scrape my teeth across his jaw, causing another shiver to run through him.

            “You ready?” Connor opens his mouth to speak, but all he gets out is a slight moan. I take that as a yes. I maintain eye contact as I slide myself onto him. A low moan rises from my throat at the full feeling. Connor’s eyes are wide and his pupils are blown. A loud breath hisses through his teeth as I start to move. The dominant position gives me more to work with and more control over the situation since Connor hasn’t got a clue.

            “Why… haven’t… I done… this before…?” Connor pants, his eyes shutting. “Ahhhhh…” he moans loudly.

            “God… The sounds you make… Let me hear you. Let it out.” Connor’s eyes flick open and he kind of cocks (ha) his head to the side. “Sorry… I should’ve… asked… Ahhhhh.” An involuntary moan shoots through me as Connor’s hips trust up to meet mine. “Just like that… Ohhhh,  don’t stop…” Connor groans and pulls me down into what I can barely classify as a kiss.

            “Jess, I’m… I’m so close…” Connor looks at me, ashamed. I just smile.

            “It’s okay… me too…” I force out between pants. The warm feeling is pooling in my stomach and beginning to leach into my arms and legs. “Come on, baby… Let me have it… Ahhhh.” Connor begins to shift his hips, pushing in an all new way that nearly shoves me over the edge. His fingernails are raking at my back, desperately trying to find something to anchor himself. He moans my name loudly and that one word is my undoing. One of the best orgasms I’ve had runs ramped through me, destroying everything in its path. I toss my head back and groan his name as he continues to rut into me, clawing for his own release. It’s all becoming too much and I am about to move off of him when his fingers tighten around my arms and his whole body spasms. Connor bites his lip, holding some sound in. I pull it away from his teeth. “Don’t be quiet about this,” I keen.

            I roll off of Connor and he pulls off the condom. I kiss him deeply and rake my fingers through his sweat-soaked hair. We remain a tangled mess of naked limbs until both of us are breathing normally. I feel Connor start to shake beneath me and I glance up. The kid is giggling. He is actually laughing. Big grin and all.

            “What? Why are you laughing?” That isn’t really a reaction one wants after having sex with someone for the first time. He just shakes his head and hides his face in his hand. “Seriously, what’s so funny?” I ask, pulling at his arm.

            “I just lost my virginity. And to the most beautiful girl I know.” A blush creeps across my face as he kisses me. “Plus, it was amazing. Not even awkward like I thought it would be. Thanks to you, I guess. I liked how you just took charge and told me what you wanted.” Connor blushes when he realizes that he likes being dominated. Something inside me jumps in excitement at the idea of taking charge over someone.

            “Well, that was amazing on this end as well. How did you do that thing with your hips at the end?” Connor’s eyes widen again, but a smile flashes across his features. “Yes, you are good at sex. Congrats. I’ll get you a medal tomorrow. It’ll have your name on it and everything.” Connor snorts.

            “I didn’t even do that on purpose. It was kind of involuntary. But I’ll try to remember for next time that you loved it.” Now my face feels flushed. I rise off the bed and toss his boxers at him. Pulling open a drawer, I pull out an old t-shirt and some boxers. After crawling back into bed, Connor wraps his arms around me and sighs, completely sated. “I love you, Jess.”

            “I love you, too, Connor.” He mutters a thank you and I just nuzzle into his neck, giving in to sleep.

 

 

            The bowling alley is surprisingly empty for a Friday night, but I guess bowling isn’t the “hippest” thing to do. It’s Connor’s turn and he makes some remark about how badly he is beating me. I toss a sock at the back of his head as he hits yet another strike. After hooting and hollering, he sits quietly on the couch next to me.

            “Who you talking to, babe?” Stiles has been asking me about some things Deaton has talked to me about. The pack is having a little trouble with an omega in the area and he wanted to keep me in the loop. Especially since I avoid pack meetings at all costs.

            “Just Stiles,” I answer plainly, not thinking anything of it since we text daily. Little do I know, this conversation is about to take a turn for ugly street.

            “I really don’t like how much you talk to him. It seems like that’s all you do. Sometimes I think that you talk to him more than you do me.” Connor has his arms across his chest and his brows are knitted together. I scoff and set my phone down, ready to hash this out.

            “Are you kidding me? You are jealous of _Stiles_? I’ve known that kid for years. If I wanted to screw him, I would have done it already.” Connor flinches at my words. “He is like one of my best friends, so of course I talk to him a lot. And now that I am going to community college, I don’t really have the time to hang out with my friends. I make time for you because I love you, but I would like to talk to my friends, too.” His posture doesn’t change.

            “I don’t want you talking to him.” He is being completely serious. I can feel my jaw hang open.

            “Are you fucking kidding me? We’ve been together for over six months. You think that after all of this time and all that we have been through that I am going to cheat on you with _Stiles_ , of all people?” Connor hangs his head slightly. “I’m sorry, but you don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t talk to. That’s not going to fly with me.”

            “I just don’t trust the kid. He is spazzy and seems like he could be the handsy type if the opportunity presented itself…” Something in me snaps. Anger rushes through my veins and I can feel my face start to turn red. My hands start to shake and I suddenly want to throttle Connor.

            “Don’t talk shit about my friends. If you don’t like them, then you don’t have to hang out with them. But that isn’t going to stop me from being friends with them. I don’t give a shit what you think of them or how much you trust him because I trust that kid with my life. And he doesn’t tell me who I should be friends with,” I sneer. Connor looks in pain and I don’t feel a single ounce of pity for the kid. Something in my chest is telling me to smack the shit out of the boy sitting next to me. To protect my friends. “Are we done?” Connor looks like he is about to say something, but wisely chooses to hold his tongue. I rise off the couch and move to complete my turn. The ball flies down the lane and takes out every single pin. Anger apparently is what I need to be good at bowling.

            On the drive home, each of us stays silent. I expect Connor to apologize for his idiocy, but he remains silent until we are parked in my driveway. I hop out of the car and walk quickly to my door. I take my time unlocking the door, waiting for the idiot to get out of the car. As I close the door behind me, I hear his engine rev back to life and head down the road.

 

            Connor and I have taken to fighting about everything. Each little thing will set one of us off. We say we love each other, but then have to fight the urge not to murder the other in their sleep. I haven’t stayed the night at his house in almost a month and a half. He barely holds my hand anymore and only kisses me when I ask him.

            “Lydia… I think I’m losing him. He is being so distant lately. And we are fighting about nothing. I hate it. How do I make things go back to the way they were this summer?” I’m flat on my back, sprawled out on her floor. “I don’t want to lose him… Tell me how to fix it.”

            “Well, maybe you guys just haven’t spent good quality time together. When is the last time you had one of those nights in where you guys would just watch movies? The ones you used to tell me about all the time?” I can’t actually remember the last time we had one of those. “Or spent the day together doing something fun like going to the beach?” I just shrug from my place on the carpet. “I have an idea. His birthday is next week, right? And you have a key to his apartment?” I nod. “Okay, this is what you are going to do. You are going to sneak into his apartment the morning of his birthday and surprise him with breakfast in bed. Then you guys will go to the beach and spend the night at that one campground there. I know how much you both love that outdoorsy crap. God knows why…”

            “Lydia, you are a genius. I just need to show him that I still care and that I am willing to make an effort. Ugh, thank you so much,” I shout, tackling her in a bear hug. She groans something about her hair and I let go, not wanting to face the wrath of Lydia for messing up her hair.

 

            I let myself into Connor’s apartment early on his birthday. I’ve got bags stocked with all of the fixings for a full breakfast. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, fruit, juice, coffee, tea. The works. Connor sleeps like a log, so I’m not too careful on the noise level. Dancing around the kitchen, I prepare tons of foods, which smells wonderful if I do say so myself.

            When everything if ready I situate the meal on a cute tray and add my homemade birthday card. I tuck it under a cup of his favorite coffee and head to his room.

            “Happy birthday, Connor!!” I shout, moving into the room. Connor wakes with a start. The tray slips from my fingers and crashes to the floor, dishes shattering. The little dark-haired girl wrapped around him now wakes and rubs her eyes. I am frozen to the spot. Everything is telling me to run, but I can’t. My legs have forgotten how to move. I see Connor move to pull on a pair of sweats and it finally hits me what is happening. Everything runs me over like a semi doing eighty. I turn on my heel and run, tears streaming down my face. I hear Connor call my name, but I don’t stop.

            I get to my car and drop my keys in my flurry of emotion. Connor catches me by the elbow and I round on him.

            “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME, YOU PIG!” I scream, probably waking some of the neighbors. I finally get the door open and reach over to the passenger seat. A picture frame holding a collage of pictures, movie tickets, and receipts sits on the seat. I curl my hand around it and chuck it in his direction. Connor ducks just in time as it flies by his head, shattering against the side of the building. “Happy fucking birthday, Connor. I hope you have a good one,” I whisper as I slide into my car and drive much too fast home.

            Unlocking the door to my own apartment, I collapse almost instantly, barely making it to the couch. A knock on the door rings out. I know it’s Connor and there is no way in hell I am opening the door for that jackass. I hear the door click open and I am about to threaten calling the police when I hear a voice call my name from the entry.

            “Derek?” I whimper, hiccupping through a sob. I sit up and see Derek walk into the living room. “What the hell are you doing here…?” I choke out. He looks as if he is asking himself the same question.

            “I don’t… I just had this feeling in my gut that something was seriously wrong with you. It scared me, so I came here to check on you. Even if we were over a long time ago, you are still pack and I still want to make sure you are safe.” I think that is the most I have ever heard Derek Hale say in one go. “Jess, what’s wrong? What happened?” he whispers, sitting on the couch next to me. He places a hand on my shoulder and I collapse against his touch, falling into his chest. Without hesitation, his arms enclose around me.

            “I caught Connor… with another woman…” That is all I can manage to get out. Sobs and hiccups still shake through me and tears still stain my cheeks. I swear I can feel a growl rumble through Derek’s chest, but he stops it short. “How did you know to be here?” Derek looks down at me and his eyes are soft.

            “The mate bond was permanent for me. I still have a connection to you even if you don’t feel it with me. It isn’t as strong, but I can still tell when you have as strong emotion. Mostly just anger and sorrow.” Derek pauses for a moment. “You and Connor haven’t been doing well for awhile, have you?” I just shake my head because I don’t trust my voice. “I’ve felt angry for like the past month and I haven’t been able to figure out why. Now I know it was your anger, not mine…” The front door to my apartment flies open again and Connor storms into the room. He looks as though someone has slapped him when he takes in the sight of Derek sitting with his arms wrapped around me.

            “Get out of my house, Connor. I don’t ever want to see or hear from you again. I will come by tomorrow at noon to pick up the box of my things at your house. After that, don’t ever come near me.” I surprise myself with how steady my voice is. Connor finally snaps out of his daze and fully enters the room.

            “And you are calling me a pig. How long have you been sneaking around with _this_?” he snaps, gesturing to Derek, who snarls. I stand up and move toward Connor. His hands are fisted at his sides and I know it is taking everything he has not to yell at me.

            “This is the first time I have seen Derek in months. I called him because I didn’t know who to talk to. He is a good friend, so he came here as soon as he could. And he didn’t have some little piece of ass to send off before he could come over,” I force out through gritted teeth. Connor flinches and I smile internally. “So, how long?” He looks at me like I’m speaking another language. “Goddamn it, Connor. Don’t play stupid with me. How long have you been fucking her? That’s why you never wanted me to stay over anymore. You were getting something better on the side. It all makes sense now.” He scratches at the back of his neck. “How fucking long, Connor?”

            “About two months…” he mutters.

            “Get out.”

            “But… Jess…”

            “I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.” Derek touches my arm, trying to keep me from separating Connor’s head from his shoulders. “Leave. Now.” He pulls the ‘but babe, I love you’ card and it makes me sick to my stomach. “No, you don’t. Now get off my property before I call the sheriff. And he will be on my side about this. I’ll send you your shit.” Connor makes a move toward me, but Derek gives him one of his signature death glares so he retreats. He mutters an ‘I’m sorry’ and walks out the front door. The click echoes through the apartment and my knees give out from under me. Derek is there to catch me as always.

           

            I wish I could say that I hadn’t cried for hours. I wish I could say that I didn’t cling to Derek like a lifeline. I wish I could say that I didn’t ask him to stay with me when it got dark just because I didn’t want to be alone. But I did.

 

            “Jess… I have to go…” A low voice wakes me up. I feel too warm and realize that something hard is wrapped around my torso. I snuggle further into Connor’s neck. But it’s not Connor. My eyes fly open and Derek is staring down at me, wearing a quizzical look. I see a little pity flash through his expression as I remember what has happened. Derek says that he has to go to a pack meeting.

            “Can I come? I haven’t seen most of the pack in awhile. I can’t remember the last time I saw Isaac. I’m sure they won’t mind. I know I haven’t gone in a really long time, but Stiles always keeps me in the loop on what is going on with you guys.” Derek just nods and shrugs on his leather jacket. I pull on jeans and a sweater. My hair goes in a bun because it’s been a day or two since my last shower.

            When we pull up to the old Hale house, both Scott and Isaac’s head snap up immediately. Stiles lets out an excited yelp and nearly knocks me over with his hug. Allison gives me a warm smile. Lydia looks confused as hell and as if that pisses her off. I just smile at her, saying I’ll tell her about it later. Isaac gives me his shy smile, but wraps me in a hug, saying it’s nice to have me back around. Cora just looks at me, as if I’m some suspicious object.

            “Well, long time no see, Jess. What brings you around again?” Bless Scott and his ignorant bliss. He sniffs at the air slightly. “Hey, you don’t smell like Connor… What’s up with…?” Derek jabs him in the side with his elbow, but I brush it off.

            “I just missed my pack. And the reason I don’t smell like Connor is because we broke up yesterday. He’s been cheating on me for at least two months.” Lydia looks even angrier. Allison and Isaac frown. “It’s fine. Derek helped me. I feel a bit better about it today.” _Lie. You don’t feel any better. If anything, you feel worse,_ my subconscious growls at me. I swat it away.

            “Does that mean you guys are back together?” Stiles blurts out.

“ _Stiles…_ ” hisses from more than one pack member’s mouth. When he realizes what he has said, his face reddens and he covers his mouth. Derek just shakes his head and looks like he wants to smack Stiles. As the pack goes about their business, Lydia makes her way over to me.

“What the hell did that prick do?” She looks like she could skin something with just her eyes.

“I caught him in bed with some brunette chick. Apparently that’s why he never wanted me to stay over the past few months. He was screwing her instead. So I told him that I never wanted to see him again.” Lydia nods and looks content with my answer. But then her brows furrow together.

“Why did you and Derek come together? Did you sleep with him last night?” She sounds like she completely approves. I just glare at her.

“Of course not… He came over yesterday after I stumbled upon the whole Connor situation and he just helped me through it. I asked him to stay and he did. He was just being a good friend. That’s the extent of what happened. Nothing special. No getting back together. Just a friend being there when I was having a hard time.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Lydia looks hurt that she had to find out about what happened with everyone else. I tell her that Derek just showed up and I didn’t think about letting the world know. “Wait, he just showed up? How did he know that you caught Connor cheating on you?”

“The mate bond. It’s permanent for werewolves. He can still feel it when I have really strong emotions. He must have felt it yesterday, so he came to check on me.” Lydia has her arms pressed across her chest. Her lips are pursed and she is looking at me like I am the stupidest thing she has seen since sensible shoes. “What?”

“You do realize that he still loves you, right? He probably pulled some shit about you being pack, but I bet he has been trying to come up with an excuse to see you for months. But he is Derek and is completely helpless in regards to relationships, so it just took until extreme circumstances for him to actually do it. He still looks at you in the same way, just when you aren’t looking. Derek never stopped loving you. And I know for a fact that you never stopped loving him.” I open my mouth to protest, but she shuts me down in a second. “No, Jess. You still love him. You still feel the bond, too; you’ve just suppressed it so long that it’s buried.”

I close my eyes and try to focus on Derek. Something warm begins to bleed into my chest. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling that I can’t quite identify. I open my eyes and find Derek. He is talking to Isaac about something I can’t hear. Suddenly, I recognize the feeling as pack love. Derek cares for Isaac as much as he cares for Cora. They are family. Something slightly sharper works its way into my system as he begins to talk to Scott. I dub it as pride. Derek knows he is the reason Scott is the alpha that he is. Something uncomfortable blurs through as Stiles jabs Derek in the side in one of his spazzy fits. Fond annoyance.

A smile pulls at the corners of my mouth. My bond with Derek is intact and fully functional. Knowing this, I dig deep and pull every feeling for him I’ve kept so tucked away free. I concentrate and shove each one in Derek’s direction. His head snaps up and he meets my gaze. I give him a weak smile and a sudden feeling washes over me. One I used to know so well. One I used to feel every day. One I haven’t felt in months and didn’t realize I missed. Love. I close my eyes and let it consume me. It takes away every ounce of pain I have from losing Connor. It tells me that everything is going to be okay. It tells me that I still have a pack and that I don’t have to worry anymore.

 

It also tells me that I still have a mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start working on the last chapter soon. :) thank you lovelies for reading!
> 
> follow me on tumblr at offmyrocker95


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jess and Derek have worked through things, but will it be enough to face what comes next for the werewolf-human duo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you are still with me on this. I'm sorry it took so long to finish the final chapter. I have been so busy with college and I hit a bit of a wall awhile back. Thanks for reading lovelies!! 'smooch'

                Things in Beacon Hills are louder than they have ever been. The pack is struggling with the new supernatural creature that rolls into town every other weekend. We expect things to blow up in our faces because we know it is inevitable. Yet things still feel so normal. The pack is flowing with everything as if it had been like this for years. Granted, we’ve got Derek. And he has fought everything this side of Sunday, but he is having a hard time with his new beta status.

 

            A knock sounds through the front room of my apartment and it takes every ounce of self control I have not to run at the door. I know the werewolf on the other side would notice if I sprinted to the door and he would never let me hear the end of it. So I decide it is a better plan to calmly walk to the door. As soon as it swings open, strong arms snake around me waist. I tilt my head, letting him sniff away at my neck in a way that has become pure habit. Carding my fingers through his hair, I let out a sigh.

            “What’s wrong?” Derek pulls away and searches my face. I smile and pull his lips to mine.

            “I’ve just missed you a lot. I don’t like it when you have to leave town.”

“I know, babe. But I had to go see if a pack my family used to be close with could help us get rid of that skin walker we’ve been trying to deal with. Just the four of us isn’t enough.” He presses a kiss to my forehead.

“I know… But there is still some part of me that is scared you might not come back…” Derek growls low in his throat. I know he doesn’t like it when I talk about this kind of thing. “I know it’s stupid. I have faith that you will always come back to me, but you left once and that left a serious mark on me. So the fear still lingers.” Derek’s head dips as he runs his nose along my jaw.

            “And something else is wrong… Your smell is off.” I try to think of everyone I have seen while Derek has been away. Only the pack and people from class. But I never spend enough time with anyone from school to connect with their scent. And Derek knows the pack’s smells. “I don’t know what it is. It’s not like you smell like someone else. It’s like your own scent has changed somehow. I’ve never had this happen. Normally you have a kind of floral, forest smell. Now there is something almost citrus-like in it.” Derek has his all-too-familiar frown plastered on his face.

            “Why would my scent change? That doesn’t make any sense. You’ve said I always smell the same. You’ve known me for three years. We’ve been together for almost half that.” Suddenly, Derek’s eyes widen in fear. “What? Derek, what is it? What’s wrong with me?” He is backing away from me like I have some kind of disease. Slowly, Derek retreats to the couch and sinks onto it, his head in his hands. Moving to sit next to him, I pull on his shoulder. “”Derek. You are scaring me. What’s wrong?” His gaze turns back to me and his pupils are blown wide. I’ve never seen this look on him before and that scares the shit out of me.

            “Your scent hasn’t changed. It’s just been added to…” Derek’s face pales and he looks like he is about to be sick.

“What do you mean added to? How do you add to someone’s scent? I’ve never heard of that before,” I say, trying to get a grip on the situation. Derek is being very careful not to touch me. I reach out, but he flinches away. “Babe, please talk to me. I have no idea what is going on and I need you to explain it to me. You seem to know why I smell weird and you are hiding it from me. Please, just tell me. What is wrong with me?” Derek takes a deep breath and I can feel the absolute terror rolling off of him. “What has you so scared?” He lifts his head and looks me straight in the eye.

“When I say added to, I mean someone else’s smell is mixing with yours.” Thank you Mister Cryptic.

“That doesn’t really tell me anything…” Another growl rumbles through his chest and it is quickly followed by his wolf whimpering. “Babe, just tell me…”

“I think you might be pregnant…” Did he just… What did he say? He can’t have said pregnant. No way in hell. No. “I think that’s why your scent is changing. The baby is starting to develop its own and it’s mixing with yours.” My lungs shut down and I shove my head between my legs, trying not to puke. He did say pregnant. There is a human… well what is it… growing inside of me. “We should take you to Deaton to make sure.” The reality of the situation hits me and I pick my head up, glaring at him. “Jess, please don’t look at me like that. I can feel the resent coming from you…” I try to get my emotions in check.

“How did this even happen? We are always so careful… Oh no… I know when it happened. It was about a month and a half ago and you had just gotten rid of that witch who trapped Isaac. I thought you had died and when you came back, we kinda just went for it. I thought that I had remembered to keep up on my birth control, but I must have not been as on it as I thought. Every other time we’ve used a condom. And we’ve never had a break… That’s the only time that would make sense…” My brain is going a thousand miles an hour trying to figure out what the hell is happening.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and call Deaton. Thankfully, he answers and agrees to meet Derek and I at the clinic. After managing to get Derek into the passenger seat of his camaro, I drive a smidge too fast, okay way too fast, to the clinic. Derek’s face is still unusually pale and I am almost 95% sure he is going to throw up in the next five minutes. He hasn’t said a word to me since we left my apartment.

 

Deaton asks me how long I think it has been. After taking an ultrasound, he agrees that I am around six weeks in. The entire time Deaton is telling me about what will happen, Derek is hiding in the darkest corner of the room.

“It should be a normal nine month pregnancy. There is about a 50/50 chance of whether it will be human or werewolf.” I swallow audibly at the word werewolf. “There is no need to worry. Even if the child is werewolf, it will be just like carrying a human to term and delivering. Nothing will be different.” Deaton has had a hand on my shoulder since we walked in. I’ve always liked him. Occasionally, he throws glances at Derek. He is about as here as the rest of the pack. Staring at his shoes, he unintentionally pushes every ounce of fear toward me until I am shaking under Deaton’s touch. “Are you doing alright, Jess? You are shaking quite a bit.”

“Well, I am scared out of my mind and loser over there isn’t helping by sending me all of his fear as well,” I mutter, jutting my head toward Derek, who is still cowering in the corner. Hmm. Never thought that I would see Derek cower from anything. “Hey! Earth to Derek. Get your werewolf ass over here. This is as much your responsibility as it is mine.” His eyes remain on his sneakers. “Derek!” I shout, making him flinch out of his trance. “Come here! I need you right now.” Derek slowly approaches me and slips his hand into mine. Immediately, his touch calms me. “So when will we know what it is?”

“We should be able to tell the sex at the beginning of the second term. We might be able to tell the species…” Both Derek and I flinch at this word. “I guess species may be a bit harsh. We will be able to tell which one of you it will take after when we find out the sex. Now go home and get some rest. You are going to need it, Jess.”

On leaving, I give Deaton a huge hug and mutter a thank you in his ear. Derek is competent enough to drive and we end up at the loft. He takes a deep breath and wrinkles his nose, signaling to me that at least one of the pack members is waiting for us.

 

All of the pack members are waiting, including Stiles, Lydia and Allison. The three werewolves make confused faces at my entrance and I know they have noticed the change in my smell. Lydia is looking at me sympathetically because I texted her, telling her to get everyone over here. I knew she would bite my head off if I didn’t tell her first.

“Guys… There is something that I… uh… we need to tell you. The three of you,” I say, pointing to Scott, Isaac, and Cora, “have probably noticed that my scent is a bit different. I had Lydia get you all to come because I can explain why my smell is changing and will continue to change for the next seven months…” Stiles’ face lights up like he suddenly knows some big secret. I just smile at him. “As Stiles’ seems to have figured out, I’m pregnant.” At least three jaws fall open. Stiles lets out a little yelp of excitement. Once again, Derek has shrunk into a corner. “Derek figured it out this morning and we were just with Deaton. He confirmed that I am about six weeks in. He said there is a 50/50 chance that it will be a human versus a werewolf.”

Glancing around the room, everyone wears a different expression. Stiles is straight up excited. Isaac looks confused, as usual. Scott just looks shocked. Allison has her head in her hands. Lydia is still looking at me like she feels sorry for me. And then there is Cora. I swear there could be steam coming out of her ears. If I didn’t know better, I would fear for my life at the way she is glaring me down. I flinch away from her gaze and move to find Derek.

I find him sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the large windows of the loft. I push myself onto his lap and press my face into the curve of his neck. I know the contact with me calms him, but I can feel twenty different emotions rolling through him.

“Derek, it’s going to be okay. We can handle this. We’ve got the pack and Deaton. We’ve got each other. It was bound to happen at some point. I wanted to have a family eventually. Sure, this is a little earlier in life than I had planned, but we are going to be great parents. There will be so many people to help us along the way. There are going to be mistakes, but that is only natural.” Derek rests his cheek against the top of my head. “I know you are thinking that you are ruining my life, but you aren’t. Yes, it was an accident. Yes, we screwed up. But that isn’t going to stop us from making the best of this.” I lift my head and run my hand along his jaw, forcing his gaze to meet mine. “Think about it. We are going to have little feet running around the loft soon. Something that is a piece of both of us. Lord help us if it is a boy though. I know he will be just like you. Stubborn as hell, but big-hearted none the less.” Derek’s lips upturn at this.

“I guess you are right. We aren’t alone on this. I love you, Jess. I want you to know that I am going to do everything I can to make this as easy for you as possible. I’ll even go get you weird food in the middle of the night when you have cravings.” A smile pushes its way onto my face and suddenly my cheeks are wet. “Hey, why are you crying?”

“I guess I am just happy. And this isn’t a bad time for me to have a kid. I might be a little young, but 20 isn’t a bad age to have a baby. I could be fifteen like some of the girls I went to high school with…” Derek huffs a little laugh as I shudder dramatically. Our conversation is interrupted by Stiles wandering over.

“So, you are going to have a baby…” I can tell Stiles is trying to control his excitement. I just stand and he nearly throws himself at me. “I’m so freaking excited. God, I love babies. I am going to be the designated babysitter. I claim the job. No one else gets to watch the little guy… or girl. Whichever. Dude, what are you going to name it? Have you thought about godparents yet? I mean you’ve got to have a backup plan…”

“Stiles, we literally found out like three hours ago. You really think we’ve had time to talk about all of that?” He just shrugs and gives me another tight hug, moving to slap Derek on the shoulder, to which Derek actually smiles. Well, smirks. The rest of the pack finds their way over and gives lots of hugs and “congrats”. All except Cora, who just stays where she has been since we came in. While everyone is distracted, I move to talk to her.

“Cora, why are you looking at me like you want to kill me?” She just sets her jaw. “Look, I don’t get why you suddenly hate me, but this wasn’t on purpose. People screw up. There isn’t anything I can do about it…”

“You could get an abortion,” she spits. I hear Derek growl from the kitchen, where the pack has moved. I know he is listening in on our conversation.

“Cora… I don’t get it. What is wrong with this? Everyone else is being encouraging while you are standing here threatening me. What is up with you?” She kicks at the floor, shoving her hands in her pocket. Cora glances at me and nods toward the door. I follow her outside. “Derek, tune this out or I swear I will kill you in your sleep. And trust me, I know how,” I whisper as we walk down the stairs. Cora moves to sit on the hood of Derek’s car and I join her. “So, what’s up with the hostility?”

“I just… I think that… Maybe I’m just a little jealous…” Cora looks utterly ashamed. I laugh out loud and she blushes. I ask her why. “I mean, things with Stiles are great and we are doing so well, but I want a family. I miss having a huge family where there are always kids running around the house. Knowing that you get to start a family just kind of made me realize that I am not going to have that for awhile.”

“Cora, you are nineteen. I know I am only a year older, but this was an accident. Don’t be one of those crazy girls that pokes holes in all off her boyfriend’s condoms and ‘forgets’ to take her birth control so that her boyfriend will get her pregnant. That isn’t an attractive look on anyone. Give it time. Go travel the world with Stiles. Gain a little more life experience before you start a family. That was my plan, but accidents happen so the plan has to be changed just a little bit. I know for a fact that Stiles isn’t going anywhere.” Cora smiles and wraps me in a hug.

“Thank you so much, Jess. You are like a new sister and I know that you have been really good for Derek. He is different with you, happier. I know I shouldn’t be jealous that you accidentally got knocked up, but it still kind of makes me want my own.” She hugs me again, tighter this time.

“Well, Stiles already volunteered to be the designated babysitter, so you might get stuck with the little monster a lot.” Cora and I both laugh and head back up to the loft.

 

The pack slowly trickles out of the loft, finally leaving Derek and me alone. As the last of them slides the door closed, Derek’s arms snake around my waist as he breathes on my neck. I turn to face him and smile, pressing my lips to his.

“I can’t believe that there is a baby is my stomach… Well, I guess it’s not really a baby yet, but in a few months there is going to be a baby in there. That still fascinates me, you know. How do we just like grow our own offspring? Like out of basically nothing?” Derek just laughs and kisses my head. “I hope I’m not like my mom while I am pregnant. She got sick all the time and could barely eat anything without it making her sick…” Derek frowns. “But, let’s just cross that bridge when we get to it.”

“Oh, while you and Cora were outside talking, Lydia decided that if it is a girl we are going to name her Viola… And if it is a boy, we are going to name him Jeffery.” Derek makes a face.

“Yeah… No. God, does she think we live in the nineteenth century? What kind of name is Viola…? Gross. No. I was thinking that if it is a boy, we could name him Ty. That’s what my parents were planning on naming me if I had been a boy. What do you think?” Derek seems to be turning the name over in his head.

“Hmmm. Ty. Ty Hale. That has a good ring to it. I like Ty. And what if it’s a girl? My parents would have named me Clarice if I had been a girl.” I stifle a giggle and Derek just glares at me playfully. “Hey, it’s a family name.”

“Clarice? Oh my gosh… That is a good one. I could see you as a Clarice.” Derek pushes away from me and storms off, faking offense. “Babe, come back. I’m sorry. I get the family name thing. If it’s a boy, we can use your father’s name for his middle name. And if it is a girl, her middle name can be your mother’s.” Derek smiles in a sad way. “Their legends deserve to live on.” He comes back to me and wraps his arms protectively around me. “Oh! And I just thought of a way to make Clarice sound less ancient… Claire.” I can easily feel Derek’s acceptance of this name. I snuggle into his chest and enjoy his warmth.

 

The next few months don’t bring much change. There is still at least one supernatural being running ramped through Beacon Hills at a given time. I still fear that Derek might not come home from the pack’s little escapades. I know that Scott is doing everything he can to keep them all safe, but there is only so much that can be done.

Deaton tells me that the baby is healthy and growing at a proper rate. I am far enough along that he could tell Derek and I what the sex of the baby is, but we have decided to keep that a secret. Deaton did tell us that our little baby will take after Derek; much to his delight. We are going to have a little werewolf to deal with in less than five months. I’m not really showing yet, which I am beyond thankful for. Though a small part of me is looking forward to all of the cute maternity clothes I get to buy when I get fat.

Derek has insisted that I move into the loft, so he can keep an eye on me twenty-four seven. I forced him to buy a dresser and an armoire, giving me a place to actually put my stuff. Stiles tends to follow me around whenever he is in the loft. He swoons over me and always asks if he can touch my stomach, though there isn’t much to touch yet. Derek has gotten over growling at anyone who comes near me. About time he realized the pack isn’t going to hurt me.

Isaac is around all the time, which honestly surprises me still. He and Scott live together, yet he chooses to spend time with Derek and me. Maybe there is some residual loyalty left from when Derek was his alpha.

 

“Hey, Isaac,” His head snaps up from where it is resting against my side as I am sprawled out on the couch. “Would you mind getting me a glass of water?” Isaac jumps up from the floor and nearly runs to the kitchen. Normally, I would get it myself, but today is one of those days where morning sickness has hit me like a freight train at top speed. He returns and takes his place on the floor, next to the couch. I asked him if he wanted to sit on the couch, but he had replied that he had wanted to give me as much room as possible. Taking a few sips, I wait a moment to see if nausea is going to wash over me. 

Like clockwork, within a minute of drinking down about half the glass, I am up and running to the bathroom. Curling over the toilet, my stomach empties itself for the fifth time today; not that there is much left to empty. I hear the sink run as I finish dry-heaving. Isaac pushes my hair out of my face and wipes my forehead with a cool washcloth. I know Derek would be doing this, but he is helping Scott search out an omega that has been causing grief around town.

After moving back to the couch, Isaac settles back in and flips through various TV channels. My hand wanders and is soon moving aimlessly through his curly blonde hair. Isaac doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, I swear I feel him lean into my touch. And if I am not mistaken, a small whine escapes him when I pull my hand away. Laughing slightly, I replace my hand in his soft curls.

Next thing I know, I am waking up and it is dark in the loft. Isaac is curled up on the floor, sound asleep. Looking at my phone, the clock reads 1:37. I groan and roll off the couch, careful not to step on the sleeping werewolf below me. Once in bed, I send Derek a text asking him where he is.

_We are almost done. I should be home in a bit. Don’t stay up for me. Love you. ~D_

I smile and stare at the ceiling until sleep claims me.

 

It feels like it has been thirty seconds since I fell asleep when the bed creaks slightly at added weight. I don’t move because I know Derek will accommodate me when he crawls under the covers. Instead of feeling his arm drape over me protectively, I feel something smaller curl against my back. I roll over and let out a small squeak when I come face to face with Isaac.

“What are you doing?” I mutter, voice still full of sleep.

“I… uh… I had a nightmare and um… I just needed to be close to someone. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I can move back to the couch…” Isaac sounds rejected and hurt, so I catch his arm when he starts to get up.

“It’s okay. You can stay. I understand the nightmare thing.” I give him a warm smile that I know he can see in the dark. Isaac curls into me. I know that this should feel weird. It shouldn’t feel right to have someone in bed with me that isn’t Derek. But for some reason, I am compelled to pull Isaac closer to me. To protect him. So I do. I pull him into my chest and wrap an arm around him while my other hand runs through his hair. Suddenly, I realize why I feel so protective of Isaac. My maternal instincts must be kicking in and Isaac has always had kind of a little kid air about him. Again, sleep comes easily to us both.

A hand on my shoulder wakes me up. I groan and pull Isaac closer to me. I hear a sigh behind me and the bed bows under Derek’s weight as he slides in behind me. Isaac is snoring quietly as Derek drapes a heavy, but familiar arm over my waist. His arm extends over Isaac as well, but the werewolf doesn’t seem to notice.

 

The next morning, I awake first; annoyed by the immense heat being given off by the two werewolves in my bed. I sneak into the kitchen and begin making breakfast. While bacon sizzles away in a pan, I thank my lucky stars that I can look at and smell food without feeling like I am going to toss cookies. I brew a pot of coffee, knowing Derek will be grumpy with the late night he had. Not knowing what Isaac’s preferred breakfast drink is, I also make some orange juice.

“What the… ohmf…” I hear a loud thud and stick my head around the corner of the kitchen. I find Derek in a heap of blankets, on the floor with Isaac curled into a ball on the bed. Derek’s hair is sticking every which way and it takes all of my self-control not to bust up laughing at his bewildered expression. “Why is Isaac in my… our bed?”

“I thought you noticed him last night when you got home. He fell asleep on the couch but had a nightmare. I let him sleep with me because some maternal instinct took pity on him. I was hungry and you two were sleeping like logs, so I got up and cooked breakfast. Toast will be done in minute. Wake him up, will you?” I smile as Derek groans loudly, but I soon hear Isaac’s voice.

“Uh… Sorry about that whole crawling into bed with you last night, Jess. I don’t know what I was thinking. It must have been really weird for you…” Isaac sounds ashamed and won’t look at anything but his socks. I use the handle of the spatula I am holding to push up on his chin.

“Hey, there is nothing to be ashamed of. You helped me feel better, so I was just returning the favor. And no, it wasn’t weird. Isaac, you are like a brother to me. You got scared and I just felt like I needed to protect you. Maybe it’s because I am pregnant and some maternal instinct is kicking in, but I like looking after you and the rest of the pack. I take comfort in it. And packs cuddle all the time, right? It brings us closer and makes us stronger.” Isaac smiles and scratches at the back of his neck, still looking uncomfortable. “Breakfast?” He nods.

Isaac sits crossed-legged at the coffee table while Derek and I eat on the two stools in the kitchen. Derek is explaining to both of us what happened the previous night with the omega. Apparently, it had been trying to find a certain pack. They sent it on its way with a promise of no further trouble. Scott was happy with the fact that the encounter hadn’t ended with another dead werewolf. When he is done eating, Isaac awkwardly puts his dishes in the sink and makes some excuse about Scott needed his help with something. I can tell that he is just trying to get away from Derek after waking up in the same bed. As the door closes, I turn on Derek.

“Why do you have to be so hard on him? For god’s sake, look at him. He has this permanent look of an injured puppy on his face. After all that he has been through, you owe him a little slack. Be nice. And he really did make me feel better yesterday. He took really good care of me. Isaac got me everything I asked for and even held my hair while I puked my guts out. My own mother never did that when I got sick.” Derek just shifts uncomfortably. “Are you really that weirded out by waking up with another guy in your bed? It’s just Isaac. He’s pack. He is like the puppy that always sleeps at the foot of the bed because you don’t have the heart to make him sleep on the floor.” Derek’s lips upturn slightly and I know he knows I am right. “Could you kick that curly head of hair out of bed?”

“I can kick anyone out of bed.” I raise an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe not everyone. But most people. And honestly, you are like the only person I’ve ever had sleep in my bed on a nightly basis. I guess I’m just not used to sharing it with anyone else. But yeah, waking up to Isaac was a bit of a shock to the system.” Derek swiftly pulls me off of my stool and onto his lap, burying his face in my neck. “I guess what bothers me is that I couldn’t smell you. That kid has wicked morning breath... You know, you smell more like oranges every day. That’s awesome. Our kid is going to smell like fruit. Hooray.”

“What would you rather they smell like?” Derek ponders my question for a minute. “Actually, I want to know what you smell like to other werewolves. I’ve always been jealous of that. Being able to recognize people’s scents.”

“Scott and Isaac have both told me that I smell like dirt.” My nose wrinkles a bit at that. “Well, I guess it’s more of an earthy smell. Cora once told me that my smell is a lot like the smell that comes when it just starts to rain. My mom told me that when I was a baby, I always smelled like cinnamon.” He takes on the sad, forlorn look he always has when talking about his family. The expression makes me want to curl around him and make sure that nothing bad ever happens to the Hale family again. “What do you think it is going to be, Jess?”

“I don’t really know. I’ll be happy whatever it turns out to be.” Derek pushes his face into my neck again.

“I think it’s going to be a girl. Something is just telling me that we are going to have a little Claire Talia Hale running amuck. And go get dressed. I have somewhere I want to take you today,” Derek chimes as he dumps me off his lap and moves to clean up breakfast. _What are you up to, Derek?_ “Go, it’s going to be kind of an all-day thing, so we should get going.” Derek looks very proud of himself as he scrubs at the various pans in the sink.

 

Within a half hour, we are in his camaro driving down the highway. Despite the multiple times I have asked him what we are doing, my stubborn werewolf won’t say a word. He just smiles to himself and hums along to the radio, drumming on the steering wheel.

 

Pulling up to the Hale house, I feel a sudden sadness take hold in my chest. I know Derek hates it here. I look at him, trying to figure out why he has brought me to the place where almost his entire family was murdered. He just gives me a mischievous smile and pulls me out of the car. As we begin to walk away from the house, I am suddenly thankful he made me wear tennis shoes. The trek only takes about ten minutes, but I am already tired and whining.

 “Babe, where are we going? I wasn’t planning on going hiking at six months pregnant… I mean I know that I am not showing much yet, but having a baby grow inside of you wears you out…” Derek just wraps his arms around me and kisses me softly, effectively calming me down.

“We are here.” Apparently _here_ is in the middle of a forest. Derek chuckles at my confused expression. “You have no idea what today is, do you?” I rack my brain. It’s not a holiday. It’s definitely not my birthday. What is today…? “Today is our two year anniversary.” My heart drops to the ground. How could I have forgotten our _two year anniversary_? “Hey, don’t feel guilty. You’ve had a lot to deal with lately. I am not surprised that you forgot. I honestly don’t mind. I don’t really like presents anyway. But that’s why we are here. This is your present.” I glance around and try not to look confused, but I am completely lost.

“My present is a forest?” Another chuckle rumbles through Derek.

“No, babe. This is where I first met you. Do you remember? You were with Allison…” His voice trails off as I sink into the memory.

 

_“Al, it is freezing out here. Can you hurry it up?” Allison talked me into going with her to practice shooting the new bow her dad got her for her birthday. I come to the conclusion that I did not wear a thick enough coat._

_“Just like two more targets and we can go. I told you to dress warm,” Allison quips as she hits the bull’s eye on yet another target. I applaud dramatically and she glares at me. I move to sit up against a tree, when a slight movement catches my eye. Shifting to get a better look, I swear a see a shoulder duck behind a tree. “Jess, what are you doing? You look like you are stalking something.”_

_“I thought I saw someone behind that tree over there… Maybe I’m just imagining…” My words are stopped short by the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. His hair is jet black to match the leather jacket he is sporting. There is a glint in his eye that makes me want to run away as fast as I can. His shoulders are very broad and his chest stretches the dark grey t-shirt in just the right way. His jeans are black as well and leave almost nothing to the imagination. “Al…” I squeak. She rounds on him and lets an arrow fly at his head. The scream catches in my throat as he catches it out of the air without even so much as batting an eye. “What the hell? Are you…? You’re Derek, aren’t you? The one Scott told us about?” His eyes flash red, confirming my guess._

_“What are you doing here?” He asks, gruffly. Allison just shakes her bow at him and states that she always comes here for target practice. “This is private property…”_

“How could I forget running into the grumpiest werewolf of all time?” I tease. Out of nowhere, Derek produces a red rose. “Aw, babe…” I take it and kiss him before he takes my hand, leading me back to the car.

Our next destination is my parents’ house. I frown, but he just tugs on my hand. Derek finds the hidden key and lets us in. _Guess mom and dad aren’t home…_ He leads me up to my old room and nostalgia hits me like a sneaker wave. Looking to Derek for an explanation of this spot, he smiles.

“This is where you first said you loved me…” he whispers quietly, looking a little scared. He produces another red rose and kisses me.

 

The rest of the day consists of little stops like this. Derek takes me to lunch where we had our first official date. To the museum where he met my parents. To the trail where he first held my hand. Even to the park where we had our first fight. Each new spot is accompanied by another rose.

At the end of the night, we end up back at the loft. Derek makes me tie my scarf over my eyes before he slides the door open. I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what else this werewolf could have planned for me. A hand on my back pushes me to what I think is the kitchen. I am placed on a stool and the scarf is untied. It is the most beautiful I have ever seen the loft.

There is a candle on every flat surface and there are flowers everywhere. My eyes flit around the room so quickly that I don’t notice Derek standing in front of me. He takes my hands and looks at me so intensely that I look away. A finger lifts my chin, forcing me to look into the hazel eyes.

“And this… is where _I_ first said I loved _you_. This is where we first slept together. This is where we first lived together. This is where we are going to have our first child together. This… is where I am going to do this…” Derek slowly sinks to the floor, never breaking eye contact.

“Babe… What are you…?” My words stop on my vocal chords. Derek has just pulled a small box out of his coat pocket. That can’t be… No… No way in hell is this happening right now. The box flips open and my heart literally stops.

In it is the most perfect ring I have ever seen in my life. One single diamond surrounded by simple platinum. Derek looks like he is about to throw up and his hand is shaking in mine. The level of nerves he is feeling starts to seep in my chest. Taking a deep breath, Derek makes an attempt to calm himself.

“Jess… Jessica. You are the love of my life. You are my mate. You are going to be the mother of my child. I have thought about where I would be if you hadn’t come into my life and I really don’t like what I saw. You make me a better person and you challenge me. God knows you challenge me…” I let out a shaky laugh and try to stop the tears from spilling over my eyelids. “You are the most amazing person I have ever met and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Another deep breath. “Jessica… Will you marry me?” Tears are streaming down my face as I nod furiously.

Derek smiles bigger than I have ever seen him smile before. I feel something swell in my chest and I know it is sheer happiness. There is so much of it that I feel like I am about to explode, but I could care less. Derek slips the ring on my left hand and it fits perfectly.

“It was my mother’s… They recovered it after…” His eyes glaze over with sadness, but I just pull him into a kiss and I know he forgets about all that has happened to his family, if even for only a moment.

 

“Hey Lydia, what do you think about this one?” The past four hours have consisted of Lydia shoving hundreds of bridal magazines at me. “I like the lace a lot. I want something elegant, but not old-fashion.” She purses her lips and just shrugs. “Ugh, you have rejected every single one I have showed you. It’s my wedding!”

“You need something that will show off your figure. You keep showing me ones that don’t have much of a shape. I think a low-waisted a-line would do wonders for your curves…” Honestly, I am grateful that Lydia is helping me. I know I would be complete lost if she wasn’t here to plan everything. “And since you are going to have a fall wedding, I think that lace would be wonderful. And you should have something with more structure in it. Flowy dresses are for summer weddings.” I just smile at her habit of overanalyzing things. “And you should start thinking about what colors you want to use. Maybe like a beige and rose.” My nose wrinkles and she glares at me.

“What about a light gray? That’s a fall color. And beige is so boring… Also, have you forgotten that I hate pink? You are starting to think about your preferences, not mine. I like blues and grays. So does Derek.” Lydia lets out a loud sigh. “And Lydia?” She simply hums a response. “I have a favor to ask of you.” Another hum. “Will you be my maid of honor?” Her head snaps up and huge smile breaks across her face.

“I thought that was a given,” she responds in her usual sassy manner. “But, yes. I would love to be your maid of honor. And I will wear silver. Not just plain old gray. Silver I can work with. Plus it compliments my skin tone and hair color.” I wrap her in a hug as best as I can around my now almost-eight-months-pregnant stomach. “My dress can be silver and then the other bridesmaids can have dresses that are a deep blue. Those are winter colors, but I can make it work for a fall wedding…” Lydia drops back into her wedding planner mode and I know I’ve lost her in the pages of various magazines.

 

 

How hard can it be to put a baby crib together? There are only five pieces and around fifteen screws. Yet, Derek and I gave been staring at this contraption for what feels like hours. I talked Derek into moving the bed into Cora’s old room and turning Isaac’s old room into the nursery. It took come convincing and pleading, but finally he caved. He had even let me paint the nursery a light blue.

“Okay… I think I have it figured out. Why do they have to make the instructions so damn complicated? Can you give me a hand?” I struggle to stand up out of the rocking chair in the corner and waddle over to his side. “Hold this right here while I put the screw in.” I just nod and let him do his thing. After the first piece is assembled, it flies together and we are done in ten minutes. Derek stands to admire his handy work and wraps an arm around my waist. “Well this is going to be one spoiled child.” He just laughs at himself and leaves the room.

“Do you like it in here?” I murmur, rubbing my stomach affectionately. The baby kicks in response and I take it as a yes. “It’s about time for you to come into the world. I hope Derek and I are good parents… We are going to do everything we can to make sure that you have the best life. Even if you are a werewolf. But you are going to be just like Daddy and have wonderful control over it all.” The baby kicks again at the word _werewolf_. I just smile and join Derek in the kitchen. As I open the fridge to get some things to make a sandwich, a particularly powerful kick resonates through my abdomen.

“Jess, are you okay? The baby’s heart rate just spiked. What’s wrong?” Derek sounds scared out of his mind.

“She is just excited today. Strong little sucker… Just like her dad,” I smile. “I’m human and my pain tolerance is a lot lower than yours. So, it just hurts. But I can handle it. She doesn’t do it very often.” Derek places a hand on my stomach and the veins in his arm start to turn black. An appreciative smile moves across my face because I know there isn’t much else I can do about it. Another wave of pain rolls through me, but it is a different pain this time. When the baby kicks, it is sharp and quick. This pain was dull and drawn out.

“Okay, that wasn’t just her kicking, was it? You’ve never made that face when she kicks. Usually you just smile. You looked like you were in more pain this time… Was that…? Um… Is it time?” Derek’s voice is very quiet and shaky. He sounds like he is about to throw up. “Should I call Deaton?” I shake my head.

“We should wait awhile. Sometimes women have false contractions. Plus, I’m not due for two and a half weeks. It’s probably a false alarm. Don’t worry about it yet.” I just pull Derek close to me and push my face into his neck, knowing my contact will calm him. “We’ll give it a few more hours and see what happens. Like I said, she is just excited today. I’m sure everything is fine.”

 

Everything is not fine. A few hours later, another longer strike of pain rolls through me. It leaves me doubled over, gripping the rail of the stairs for dear life. Derek nearly smacks into me as he runs down the stairs. I tell him I am fine and wave him off, but he continues to hover. A half hour later, another wave hits me.

“Okay, I’m calling Deaton.” Derek is pacing around the room and combing his fingers through his hair. “Yeah… Alright. Yeah, we’ll give you a call when that happens… Mhm… Thanks, Deaton.”

“What did he say?” I’m trying to breathe normally, but my heart won’t calm down. The baby is moving all over the place and kicking every which way.

“He said that we should call him when the contractions are about eight minutes apart. And to keep you comfortable until then. He will meet us at his clinic and help us from there.” I smile and nod. “Do you want some tea?” Derek knows me too well. I nod and he comes back with a large, steaming cup and a rag.

 

“You need to call Deaton,” I grind out as yet another contraction tears through me. Derek frowns.

“But you are ten minutes apart. He said to call when you are at…”

“I don’t care what he said,” I snarl through gritted teeth. “Call. Him. Now.” Derek flinches at my tone, but pulls out his phone. “Tell him to meet us there. I want to go now.” The frown is etched on his face as the baby kicks me right in the ribs. “Ouch… God damn it…. I wish you wouldn’t do that…” I mutter, trying not to show the pain on my face. Derek is on the phone and talking very fast. He hangs up and moves upstairs without a word. I hear him moving around but still have no clue what he might be doing.

Before he gets back, another contraction rips through me, leaving me curled into couch trying not to scream. Derek rushes down and is on his knees by the couch. My brain goes fuzzy from the pain and I can barely hear Derek shouting at me. I try to blink away the white from my vision, but it stays. I can feel an arm slide around my waist and then things go very quiet.

 

I wake up in a hospital bed with two IVs in my arm and a raging headache. As I blink the dots out of my vision, I notice that the room is completely empty. The floor is grey concrete, cold and uninviting on my feet as I swing them off the bed. The walls are stark white. A chrome sink stands at the wall to the left of me. This is the weirdest hospital room I’ve ever been in. I grip onto the IV stand and slowly move toward the door.

Stepping into the next room, I realize why my hospital room seemed so abnormal. I’m not in a hospital at all. I’m at Deaton’s clinic. As a deep breath fills my lungs and calms me, a very sharp pain shoots through my abdomen. Pressing a hand to my lower stomach, I feel a thick bandage through my paper gown. _What the hell happened to me? Oh god… where is Claire? Where’s Derek? Why aren’t they here? What’s happened?_ I can feel my lungs start to constrict and the air suddenly feels like molasses. Letting my eyes fall closed, I try to focus on my own heart rate and get it back down to a normal pace. I can’t have a panic attack. Not now. Not when I need to find Derek and Claire.

“Derek? Hello? Where is everyone?” The second the words leave my lips, Derek turns a corner and enters the room with a fluffy bundle in his arms. My heart soars higher than I have ever felt it. “Oh my god…” is all I can think to say. His face splits into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on Derek. He crosses the room in mere seconds. Reaching out my arms, he easily gives the little bundle over to me.

“We were wrong, by the way,” Derek whispers over my shoulder. He answers my confused expression quickly. “We guessed wrong. Not Claire, Ty.” Tugging the blanket a little, I notice a pair of eyes that look almost exactly like Derek’s staring back at me. “Isn’t he beautiful?” My vocal chords can’t form a response over the tears that are streaming down my face. A simple nod is all I can manage.

“Call everyone. I’ll Cora and Stiles to tell them the news.” My vocal chords snap back into working condition. Derek just smiles fondly as Ty yawns widely. “My little werewolf…” I mutter, pulling him tighter to me. I wander back to the bed and carefully lay down, reaching for my cell phone. After two rings, Stiles picks up, voice full of sleep. Glancing at the clock on my phone, I realize that it is almost 3:45 am and they must have been asleep. “Hey, Stiles. I know that it is a ridiculous hour, but Derek and I have news. Put me on speaker.” Cora mutters a greeting. “Well, there is a new Hale in town as of a few hours ago…”

“Wait, what?! But you weren’t due for another like two weeks right? How is the baby? What is the baby…?” Stiles is talking ten miles a minute and I hear Cora sigh in the background. “Cora, get up. We are going to see the baby. Right now. Come on. Hurry up.” I clear my throat and Stiles snaps back to reality.

“We are at the clinic. Derek is calling the rest of the pack.” We say our goodbyes and I swear I hear Cora curse at Stiles as I hang up. Ty begins to fuss and a wave of longing and fear crashes through me. “Derek! Are you okay?” I shout to the next room. He pokes his head through the doorway and nods, still on the phone. As he comes to sit on the edge of the bed, the fear disappears. Derek asks me what’s wrong. “I just feel this longing feeling and I have no idea where it is coming from…”

“It’s Ty. You have a very strong bond with him. It might even be stronger than the one you have with me. You can feel his emotions very easily. Which will make our jobs a lot easier because we will know basically what he is thinking,” Derek responds, hanging up his cell phone. “Isaac is on his way, Scott is going to stop by tomorrow with his mom, Allison didn’t answer, and Lydia is going to be here in a few hours. What about Cora and Stiles?”

“They are on their way. I think Cora is in an iffy mood. Hopefully Ty can cheer her up.” Ty makes a little rumbling noise at the sound of Cora’s name. “Did our son just growl for the first time?” Derek lets out a loud chuckle. “Well, he takes after you more than I thought he would.”

“Actually, that isn’t the first time. When Deaton took him to make sure that all of his vitals were steady, he made the same noise. It must have been the loss of contact with me. He must know that Cora is family. He’ll bond with the whole pack when they meet him. I’m really interested to see how he reacts to Scott. I don’t really know how he will react to the alpha.” Derek looks lost in thought and I go back to staring at the amazing little bundle in my arms.

 

Soon, Deaton’s clinic is filled with the whole pack. Stiles and Cora wander in about an hour after Isaac shows up. Isaac won’t give up Ty until Derek growls at him, making him hand Ty to Stiles. His small hand reaches toward Cora and wraps around her finger tightly. Immediately, a huge smile breaks across her face. Stiles gives him up easily because it’s Cora.

“Stiles, can I talk to you? In private?” Stiles nods and follows me out of the crowded room. “Okay, Derek and I have thought a lot about this and we think that you and Cora would be the best option for Ty…”

“Are you asking us to be godparents?” Stiles slices through my words, excitedly. He looks like he is about to start jumping up and down. I just nod and he launches himself at me, wrapping me in a very tight hug. “CORA! Come here!!” Cora wanders in, still cooing to the bundle of blankets. “Dude, they want us to be Ty’s godparents. How awesome is that?” Cora’s head snaps up and the grin on her face turns into a full million-watt smile. “We’d love to. We’d absolutely love to.” Isaac follows Derek and asks for Ty back as Scott and Lydia walk in. He huffs loudly, knowing the new people will get first dibs.

“Hey there little guy…” Scott whispers. Ty is about to fall asleep, but when Scott speaks, him eyes snap open. “Can I?” Scott reaches for Ty and another small growl rolls through him, causing laughter to echo through the room. “I have no idea how this even works…” Scott mumbles, but as soon as Ty’s finger wraps around his thumb, his eyes flash red. In return, Ty’s eyes flash the most beautiful golden color I’ve ever seen. Scott smiles warmly, whispering “Welcome to the pack, little Hale.”

 

The rest of the day is a blur of the pack fighting over who gets to hold Ty next, neither Derek nor myself getting to touch our baby for hours on end. Deaton shows up at some point, ushering everyone out and letting Derek and I catch our breath. He tells us to go home and get rest while we can. Ty grows faster than anything I’ve ever seen. Within a month, he has a full head of shaggy jet black hair and razor sharp fangs.

One night, I wake up to an empty bed and assume it’s because Derek heard Ty fussing before I did. Wandering down the hall to the nursery, I pause before entering, listening. The soft sound of Derek’s voice floats out of the room. He is singing the lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he couldn’t sleep. As I round the corner into the room, I am met by the most amazing sight I’ve ever seen.

Derek is sitting in the old rocking chair in the corner, Ty wrapped carefully in his arms. Derek continues his quiet singing as Ty yawns widely, fangs gleaming in the moon light. He picks up his head and glances my direction. The small smile on his face fades quickly, and I realize there are tears streaming down my face. Crossing the room in a few steps, I take Ty from Derek’s arms and settle into his lap. He carefully wipes a tear of my cheek.

“I don’t know…” I answer to his unasked question. “I guess it’s just that I never thought that I would have such a perfect life. I never would have imagined that I would be engaged to the most perfect person I’ve ever met. I never thought I would have such a beautiful baby. Yeah, it’s a little early in life for all of this to be happening, but I don’t care. I love you both.” Derek presses his nose to my neck, most likely making sure that I really am okay.

 

“Lyd, I need you to get Derek.” I’m sitting in my old room, wearing the most beautiful dress I’ve ever owned. It’s a little trendier than I imagined, but I fell in love with it the minute Lydia shoved the magazine under my nose. It has a high-low cut skirt with a higher set waist and a dark blue sash around said waist. The skirt is covered in small rose-like flowers. My fingers are knitted together as I try to breathe normally. It’s my wedding day. I shouldn’t be this scared. Lydia glares at me in her dark silver maid of honor dress, her hair done perfectly as always. “Please? I feel like I can’t breathe…”

“No way. We are not going against the superstition and starting your marriage off with bad luck.” I know that I won’t get through to her, so I ask for Isaac instead, knowing the poor kid will do anything for me. After a minute or two, his head pokes through the door.

“Wow… You look amazing… Uh… Are you okay?” Isaac’s eyebrows are knitted together in a face he likely learned from Derek.

“I need you to do me a favor…” He nods. “I need you to get Derek for me. I think I am about to have a panic attack and I just need to talk to him. Please.” Isaac looks like he is in pain over the decision on whether or not to help me. “Please Isaac. I feel like I can’t breathe.” He slips out of the room muttering something that sounds very much like ‘Lydia is going to murder me in my sleep’. A knock on the door makes me flinch. I hear Derek’s voice and instantly feel more relaxed. “You can come in…”

“You know for a fact that I can’t.” Derek’s voice is low, as if he is breaking some rule. “What’s wrong? Isaac said you needed to talk to me?” His voice gets even quieter. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“Of course not. And I don’t care about the bullshit superstition. Please… I need you in here. Now.” The door creaks open, but Derek’s back is all I see. “You have got to be kidding, Der. Look at me, please?” I can feel my heart rate start to pick up again, the panic seeping back into my veins. “Listen to my heart and my breathing. I’m terrified, Der. I’m panicking and I don’t know how to stop it. Look at me.” My voice is much harsher than I mean it to be, but Derek finally turns around. The look on his face would be enough to make me laugh hysterically if it weren’t for the impending panic attack. “Please come here. I need you right now.”

“You are absolutely gorgeous…” He mutters, breathless. He moves closer and sits beside me. Immediately, my hands find his and I knit our fingers together. Pushing my face into his shoulder, I feel myself relax. My lungs are still struggling to get the air that they need, but my head doesn’t feel so foggy and achy. “I’m scared, too…” Derek admits to both of us. “I don’t know why either. We have lived together for almost a year. We have Ty. We are basically married already. Maybe it’s the formality that is scaring us…” His rambling lets me know how scared and nervous he really is. Derek still never talks this much. Even with pack. It’s still all short commands and barking orders, but he has become more affectionate with the pack, even the human part. There are lingering touches and frequent sleepovers at the loft. Isaac recently moved back into the loft to help with Ty. He and Derek are closer than ever. I find them on the couch multiple times a week, usually with Isaac’s head pressed into Derek’s neck or on his lap. They allow me to join them, but always remain in contact.

“Thank you for coming in here. I know you didn’t want to, with the whole superstition thing… But I don’t think I could have gone through with this if you hadn’t.” Derek growls low in response. “You should go. Time to get this show on the road, right?” He hugs me tightly and runs his nose along my jaw, scenting me. “Der…” I catch his hand and pull him back toward me. “I love you.”

“And I you.” Then he is gone.

 

The small paper in his hands is shaking as he takes a deep breath. Derek insisted on being the first to read his vows. I’ve tried to coax out of him at least something that he is written, but the werewolf is the most stubborn creature I’ve ever met. He clears his throat and takes another shaky breath.

“Jess, before I met you, I was completely lost. My family was gone. I had no friends. I didn’t even have a pack. Then, one day, I am in the woods, and I hear these teenagers talking. I know they are on my property, so I go to get rid of them. This girl was there with a hunter. I should have known that she was dangerous and a thief.” I glare at Derek, but he simply smiles and continues. “She took everything from me. She took my loneliness, my pain, my heart.” A couple ‘aw’s echo through our family and friends. “But she gave me everything, too. She gave me a pack. She gave me something new to live for. She gave me this little hooligan,” he laughs, ruffling Ty’s hair as he clings to Derek’s leg. “Jess, you changed me. Before I met you, none of this even seemed possible. I never thought I would have a pack again. I never thought I would have a family again. And I never would have been able to talk about something like this. I love you and I hope you know that I will be here, even when you want to throw your shoe at my head.” I am suddenly aware of the tears rolling slowly down my cheek. “I love you, Jess. And I am so happy that you are letting me spend the rest of my life with you.” Then, something I have never seen before presents itself in front of me. Something in the man I know so well breaks and tears fall down his cheeks, caught by the scruff along his jaw.

 

 

Ty won’t let go of my leg, but Stiles manages to bribe him away with a promise of another big piece of cake. I kiss my baby and try not to think about the fact that I won’t see him for two weeks. There are hugs and I swear I hear Lydia sniffle when she hugs me.

“Lyd, I am going to be gone for two weeks. I’m not leaving forever…” She laughs and smiles brightly.

“Oh, I am just so happy that all of my plans worked out so beautifully.” I shake my head and wrap her in another hug. Derek’s camaro is covered in streamers and window paint, a string of empty cans attached to the bumper. Irritation washes over me, but Derek gets his emotions in check and pulls me into the car. “Hey, guess what?” Derek makes a ‘hmmm’ noise as he waves to the crowd. “I get to call you husband now.” A giggle works through me as his arms wrap tightly around my waist, pulling me onto his lap.

“I know… Wife…” He murmurs into my neck. “I love you, Jess.”

“And I you, Der.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about all of the fluff! Thank you again for reading. Let me know how you liked it and anything I should tweak!
> 
> Also, follow me on Tumblr at offmyrocker95! :D Love yous!!!


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